small hands

I am taking another day off. *Gasp*

FIRE and I are supposed to go for lunch at Citizen Cake in San Francisco and then to the ocean. The weather is drizzly and cool (50-60s) and overcast, so we'll see about the ocean.

Weekly Wrap-Up #51 - Planes, Trains & Automobiles

1. What's your favorite method of travel? Why?
Flying. It’s fast.

2. What's the longest road trip you've ever taken? Where?
From Lafayette, Louisiana to Los Angeles, California in the summer of 1974.

3. How many plane trips have you taken in your life?
More than 20.

4. What method of travel do you fear so much or intensely dislike that you avoid it? Why?
Car travel. I am very car sick prone (so, no reading) and I just get bored, bored, bored. I can't understand my sister's desire to get a Winnebago and travel around the country.

5. Describe the worst travel experience you've ever had.
See number 2. I was in a car with my four siblings, my uncle and grandmother in the summer. It was hell.

My favorite road trip story is from a law school friend S. She was in the car with her mother and two siblings and they were bickering. Their mother told them if any of them said another word, she was going to put them out of the car. S. turned to her mother and paused and then said “Fuck.” Her mother stopped the car, put her out, and drove away.

I got off work and picked up my boy. He was warm, as it was 90 degrees, but I had juice waiting for him in the car, and the air conditioner going. I picked up my girl and we went home. After dinner (curried chicken from the Williams-Sonoma Stews cookbook and Japanese rice), I went to the front yard and watered and swept up more roofing material. It made me feel better about the chaos that tearing off the roof has unleashed on my yard. In the back, I cut a big rose bouquet and planted some cilantro and oregano in my herb garden. My boy kept me company, throwing the paper airplane that I made for him. It’s groovy how much happiness he gets from such a simple thing.

It’s cooler today, overcast.

I’ve been thinking more about this working mother/stay at home mother thing.

I remember reading an article in New York Magazine about how there was a deep divide between the two and they looked down on each other. At the time, I viewed it as journalistic hyperbole.

I still do.

It is very important that women don’t fall for it.

This stupid cliche, that working women are climbing the corporate ladder (presumably in Fortune 500 companies with six figure salaries?), forsaking their children, is completely false.

So is the other cliche, presented in the NPR story, that stay at home moms are carpooling to soccer games when they’re not at Starbucks.

As I drove to work, I listened to a local radio program interviewing two law professors about recent Supreme Court cases. And I thought about how much I love being a lawyer, understanding and working with the law. I can’t imagine how anyone can presume that I should not be working, that my work is not meaningful, that it causes me to short change my children.

I do not work because I want to buy fancy gadgets or a vacation home.
I do not work because I can’t stand my children.
I do not work because I am a feminist. It is because of feminism that I am able to practice law. Just like it is because of the Civil Rights struggle that I am able to practice law.

I work to support myself and my children.
I practice law because I love it. Even if I didn’t love it, I would have to work.
Even if I won the Lotto, I would practice law.

My working life is no reflection on any other person, least of all any other mother.

The weather is outstanding. Sunny and warm, in the 80s and 90s.

My girl wants to know when summer starts. I told her the first official day is June 21. Her summer vacation begins June 13. Some say that the Memorial Day weekend is the beginning of summer. Yesterday morning the sun was blazing through the bathroom window so intensely I couldn’t stand in front of it and comb my hair.

I love summer. I used to feel sad and anxious when the school year was ending because school was such a life line for me, and I had a whole world in my classroom which was then going to be dismantled. But I also used to look forward to lazing around, reading to my heart’s content, and not worrying about ironing my school uniform.

Summer for my girl this year will mean an art camp, with Tie Dye, Adinkra printing, Ballroom dance, Brazilian dance, Magic Sticks juggling, video production, Polynesian dance, and swimming.

I chose it because my girl is an artist and because I wanted her to be in a safe positive space during the summer. Last year I agreed that she would spend part of the summer at the Berkeley YMCA, because her father wanted her to (cheaper for him). When she told me, in the Fall, that every day at the YMCA a boy called her ugly, I put my foot down and said she was not going to go back to the Y.

My boy’s summer is going to be spent in his new preschool, which he starts on June 11. My baby. I’m a little nervous about his transition, because he is leaving the babysitter he has had since he was 6 weeks old, but I think he’s ready.

I get all verklempt when I think of how she helped me raise my children. She’s like a sister.

I was racing (as usual) to court this morning (although I didn’t feel worried because it’s Judge H. and he always starts late) listening to a commentary on NPR about stay at home mothering. It pissed me off. I was yelling at the radio. For the record, NPR (wankers), I work outside of the house and I enjoy mothering. The two can go together. Wankers.*


What do I want Summer 2003 to be about?

Well, my patio furniture is getting delivered this Saturday. I want to sit and eat and read and chill.
Taking walks in my neighborhood and getting gardening/plant ideas and paint color ideas.
Going to New York City next week!!! Help me Lord, I haven’t planned anything!!!
Going to Hawaii in August.
Barbecuing.
Spending time with FIRE, though not where he lives because it is so much hotter out there.
Eating lots of fresh fruit, especially plums, peaches, cherries, grapes and strawberries.


*This is what Amazon says about the commentator:

Young women are the unhappy victims of their mothers' generation's feminism, says Danielle Crittenden in What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us. Though they usually don't realize it, feminism has "seeped into their minds like intravenous saline into the arm of an unconscious patient." Crittenden says that feminism doesn't provide answers for the questions that distress young women, such as, "Is work really more important and fulfilling than raising my children?" and "Why does my boyfriend not want to get married as much as I do?" The modern dilemma, she says, is that the success of feminism has cut women off from those aspects of life that are distinctly female desires, such as being a wife and raising children. Crittenden wants us to take a step back from sexual freedom (which she says ends up harming the woman, who gets used and dumped), career (only a tiny minority have stimulating, gratifying jobs), and zealous personal autonomy (often an indication of being too fearful and weak to take on responsibilities), in favor of commitment, marriage, and child rearing. She argues that feminist fervor has failed modern women, and gives her suggestions for how women can recapture meaning, fulfillment, and happiness.

Excuse me while I vomit.

The end of the three day weekend. Yesterday was pretty groovy. I called my sister to invite her to go to the cemetery with me and my children, to place flowers on the graves of our paternal grandparents. She was up for it, so I cut a bunch of flowers from my garden (Jude the Obscure, Queen Elizabeth, Othello, Peace and a big Festiva peony) and we went to her house and from there to the cemetery. It was nice–the weather was warm and clear and it was still mid-morning. It’s not a sad thing to stand around and tell my children about my grandparents. The flowers looked great, in the vase provided by the headstone. An employee of the cemetery gave my sister his card, after asking if she “owned property” at the cemetery. She was planning on being cremated, but now she is thinking of being buried there. *Rolling my eyes*

My sister’s husband was working on an epic barbecue back at her house, so, while we were waiting, my sister and I went to look at some model homes. They are nice, but not for me. And 3,900 square feet is a lot of house.

When we got back, my younger brother arrived and we ate chicken, hamburgers, tri tip, corn on the cob, potato salad, green salad, baked beans and garlic bread. It was all delicious. My brother looks good–peaceful and content. Unemployment agrees with him. Then I took my children home, because we had to complete my girl’s homework and comb her hair and get ready for the week.

Back at home, I raked some (but by no means all) roofing material out of my front lawn, cut my Graham Thomas down in anticipation of transplanting it from its present location in front of the house, and watered my plants, hoping it will revive them from the trauma they experienced last week. I wanted to wash my car, but the presence of the folks across the street made me uncomfortable, so I didn’t. It’s hard to describe the vibe I get from them, but I don’t understand why there are so many people hanging around a house with no electricity or running water, where the house is gutted down to the studs, folks who are not all working at refurbishing the house. It’s like there are some who are treating it like a play house. The house is looking worse and worse, more torn up, rather than better.

With a long weekend, we spend more time in the house, so there is more disorder. Then on the day to go back to work, I want to stay home and clean up the disorder, and I can’t. It’s a paradox.

My children came home Sunday evening clinging to me more intensely than usual. It turns out their father has a “friend”, with whom my children are spending time. That’s fine for their father, but it seems to have freaked them out with regard to me. My daughter insisted I sleep next to her Sunday and Monday night and clung to me. My son wouldn’t let me out of his sight either. It’s interesting how long it takes to process divorce. How the bitterness doesn’t dissipate over a short amount of time. He forgot to return my daughter’s homework when he returned my children. So I made her call him and leave him a message to get it to us as quickly as possible. When he dropped it off Monday, it wasn’t completed, which leads me to conclude that it will always be my responsibility to get it done, never his.

This or That

1. Do you prefer silence or do you like background sound (music, TV, etc)?
It depends. When I am working, I have my office door closed because I don’t want to hear the droning voice of one of my co-workers, and I have the radio tuned to NPR. We used to have the ability to get radio streaming from the internet, but my boss decided to block it. So no more BBC radio, no more WAMU, no more listening to Fresh Air and This American Life archives. As you can imagine, this is a significant loss.

2. Bathe/shower in morning or evening?
Shower in the morning, bathe in the evening.

3. Sleeping in complete darkness, or with a nightlight on?
Darkness, but with ambient light.

4. Lay out clothes the night before, or just grab what's closest in the morning?
Grab what is in the closet in the morning.

5. Hang up/fold clothes neatly, or just toss them wherever?
Both.

6. Work out at a gym, or at home on your own (or do you not bother with exercise)?
On my own, when I bother to exercise. I like the idea of a gym, but there must be something that repels me about them, since I don’t belong to one and when I do, I didn’t go very much.

7. Talk on the phone, or via IM/e-mail?
E-mail is the best way to get to me. I am not so crazy about talking on the phone.

8. Are you usually on time, or late?
I try to be on time, but I am late on occasion.

9. Spendthrift or frugal?
Neither.

10. Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: You work with someone who is not in the habit of bathing regularly. The smell seems to be getting worse and worse! Would you: 1. try to do something about it, or 2. try to grin and bear it? If you said 1, what would you do?
I do work with someone who does not bathe regularly. He also likes onions and garlic. A lot of onions and garlic. What do I do? I keep my office door closed and the window open, weather permitting. I do not grin and bear it.

Okay y’all* remember this. Do not put this information in the important storage part of your brain, the part that remembers where you put your car/house keys. But put it somewhere: When you get your roof replaced, insist that the person doing the work get a dumpster before he starts to work.

That way, you won’t return home to find your 9 year old hydrangea and your 8 year old rhododendron and Graham Thomas rose bush and your front lawn crushed under a mountain of debris and severely damaged.

Also, when the roofing person tells you he/she is going to cover your plants with plastic, make sure it’s done before he/she unleashes of river of roofing shit into your front and side and back yard.

'kay?

Silver lining: because I once ordered rosebushes from Wayside Gardens, I now get e-mails about sales on plants. So, very fortuitously, I had ordered four new rosebushes for $3.95 each, before I got home and discovered that I would in fact be needing some replacement plants.

Whatevah. It’s all good. And I'm even rethinking the Graham Thomas (kinda disease prone [mildew, rust and black spot] and I'm over yellow now anyway). Maybe I'll replace it with a Galaxy magnolia.

*I would adore to have a shrimp po boy from Mother's Restaurant on Canal Street in New Orleans, right now. And a side order of red beans and rice.

My roof is being torn off RIGHT NOW.

This is huge for me. When I bought the house, nine years ago, it needed a new roof. Every time I drove up to the house, I would glance and wince at the condition of the roof. But, as I have written, a new roof is very expensive ($11,000 to $17,000). I am finally able to afford it and the guys arrived this morning, led by Victor, and tore off half the roof in 20 minutes. I wanted to scream like a teenager in 1965 who had just seen the Beatles.

Weekly Wrap Up

1. What was your favorite book as a child? Why?
I loved the Little House on the Prairie series and read it over and over again.

2. How often did you read as a child? Describe your preferred reading area or situation.
I read every moment that I could. I liked the escape that books provided. I liked sitting on my bed and reading.

3. What children's literature series did you read when you were younger? Why?
See number 1. I think it was the interesting prose and the beautiful illustrations by Garth Williams.

4. Do you still read children's literature? Why or why not?
Every night I have my children. It expands their little brains and will make their life long readers. And, it helps them relax and go to sleep when we read at bed time.

5. What children's book would you recommend for a child's library? Why?
I couldn’t limit it to just one.

Toot and Puddle series
Miss Spider series
Anything written or illustrated by Mark Teague
The Poppleton series
Anything illustrated by Trina Schart Hyman
Anything illustrated by Jerry Pinkney
All books illustrated by Irene Haas.

Last night was hellacious.

My son ended a very peaceful evening by drinking red juice in the hardwood floor covered upstairs hall and then going into the beige carpeted bedroom to vomit it all up. I undressed him and put him in the tub, although he wanted to lie down, and got out the Little Green to clean up the vivid red mess. It cleaned up rather well, better than my guy, who immediately wanted to get out of the tub. We went to bed after some rather good stories, and then I woke up when he peed in the bed. Oy.

I changed his underwear and covered up the wet spot with old receiving blankets. We went back to sleep, until he started thrashing again, because he had peed again. Oy. Oy.

I changed his second pair of underwear and the wet receiving blankets and got towels for the wet spot. But he was coughing in this dog barking kind of way. And it scared me really bad because I didn’t know if the vomiting from earlier had been a symptom of asthma, which he had a little of when he was less than a year old. We were given a nebulizer and an assload of albuterol, but it expired and I gave it to a friend who really does have asthma because we only had to use the nebulizer a couple of times after that. So I asked him “Can you breathe?” And he said no, then he said yes. So I raced around the bathroom and his bedroom, calculating how fast I could get a skirt on and run across the street to Children’s Hospital if he really couldn’t breathe. I’m not moving away from this location until he turns 18. And it’s an insane feeling, when your child is sick in the middle of the night. I caught of glimpse of my face in the medicine cabinet mirror and I was as wide awake and focused as if I was taking a fucking Organic Chemistry final. So I let him lay back down, because he was so tired, and I lay beside him and just kept touching him and listening to make sure he was breathing.

And then I fell asleep and had a nightmare that a gigantic black elephant, a kind of Armageddon figure bringing death and pestilence, was coming and the children and I and one of my daughter’s school friends had to find somewhere to hide. And we were running and running, until we found a place. Then I woke myself up and checked on my boy, who was snoring and kicking and hogging the pillow.

I am so out of it today.


3 For Thursday

1. What are your 3 favorite current TV shows?
Six Feet Under
Sex and the City
Spongebob Squarepants

2. What are your 3 favorite shows from your childhood?
Speed Racer
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Cosby Show

3. What are your 3 favorite TV/movie/fictional characters?
Scout Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird
Christy Love from Get Christy Love
Winnie Louie from Kitchen God's Wife

4. What are your 3 favorite movies of all time? Movies you can sit and watch over and over.
The Maltese Falcon
Howards End
Story of Qiu Ju

5. What are your 3 favorite books?
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
Kitchen God’s Wife by Amy Tan
The Hamlet by William Faulkner

I woke up at 1AM and watched a tape of this week’s Six Feet Under. It was powerful. I went back to bed at 2AM and thought how fleeting is the time that my children are small. I am glad they sleep with me so that we can have more time together.

I think it’s going to be another warm day–into the 80s. I dressed my little guy in shorts. There was another roofing company at the house this morning and my kids enjoyed standing in the morning sun watching them climb up on ladders and measure things. My nosy ass neighbor sucked the roofers into a conversation, probably wanting to know what they are doing and how much they intend to charge me.

I have new neighbors, in the duplex next door. I don’t know anything about them except that they have a set of conga drums.

This or That

1. Large or small family?
I come from a large family. I expected to have 4 children. I have 2 children and I will probably not have any more. So, we’re a small family. And this way, I get to give my children a lot of attention, which is something I would have liked as a kid in a big family.

2. Potato chips or pretzels?
Pretzels.

3. House or apartment?
House

4. Zebras or giraffes?
I like them both equally.

5. Candles or potpourri?
I have more candles.

6. Flowers or trees?
Flowers.

7. Right or left-handed?
Left handed.

8. Model trains or dolls/stuffed animals?
Pass. That’s what we used to say in law school when we were called on and not prepared. I remember feeling really bad about passing in Wills and Trusts, and told the professor the next class that I was ready to answer. He called on me and only me for the entire class, but it was groovy, I was prepared.

9. Comedy or drama?
Drama.

10. Thought-provoking question of the week: The city of Boston has recently banned smoking in all restaurants and bars. Would you want to see such a law passed in your city/town/country, or not?
There is a law banning smoking in all restaurants and bars in the entire State of California. And it’s the right way to go.

Life is good.

I had a very relaxing weekend.

The weather was and is glorious.

Friday, I went to A and B’s for our weekly mamas’ potluck. That’s always a wonderful way to end the week. Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, salad, lemonade and Breyers Reese’s Ice Cream for dessert.

Saturday, I got up and mowed the back yard before it got too warm. I had cut the front yard on Friday evening, because it was in an embarrassing state of overgrowth. I swept up the patio and cleaned the grass growing between the bricks. Then my sweet babies returned. We had the mamas over at around noon, sitting in the back yard on blankets and enjoyed the weather, my rose bushes which are blowing up with blossoms, the water hose and each other. A and B and their three daughters stayed for barbecued chicken (I barbecued again–WAHOO), pasta salad and garlic bread. I spent more than six hours in my back yard.

My sister called and said she was going to take my kids with her kids to an arcade in Milpitas on Sunday. So my kids were quite geeked up at the prospect. Then she called on Sunday, after my son asked me all morning as I worked on my quilt when they were coming over, to say that she changed her mind, they didn’t feel like going.

See, I make sure not to promise my kids things like this and then fake on them. Because that shit is just wrong. And I wanted to get in her ass about this, because we were minding our own business before she got up into my kids’ world with promises of an arcade. And she has pulled this shit before.

But I didn’t. Because the prospect of going to the arcade inspired my girl to get all of her homework done in 90 minutes (math, reading log, and interpreting a poem), rather than 4-5 hours. All of it.

Instead, I got my kids into the car and took them to my sister’s house, so they could play with her kids and eat birthday cake, while I went shopping at the super deluxe Target near her house. I bought a comforter-sheet-pillowcase bed set and some curtains. Replacing the mini-blinds in my bedroom with curtains, thereby changing and softening the light that enters, made me very, very happy.

Later we all went to Berkeley, to see Taiko drumming at a Buddhist Temple fundraising bazaar. It was low key and really fun, and the Japanese food they were selling was off the hook. I bought a notepad with a beautiful Japanese stamp on each page and later wrote a love note to FIRE, which I mailed this morning with this stamp on the envelope. Late in the afternoon, I took my children home and we ate leftover barbecue, folded laundry, weeded a little bit in the back yard, and hung out for the rest of the day.

I got up this morning at 6AM and watched last week's Six Feet Under. Oh.My.Gosh. It reminded me that life is good, that I have to appreciate it more.

My day off was quite, quite good.

FIRE and I went for breakfast at Mamas Royal Café on Broadway. We sat at a booth and I had Earl Grey tea, scrambled eggs, homefries, blueberry muffin, and a fruit cup (sliced pears, strawberries, mangoes, cantaloupe, honeydew melon and kiwi). FIRE had a breakfast burrito with black beans, scrambled eggs, sour cream, salsa, a blueberry muffin and Earl Grey tea. We had a very intense conversation (Aries/Leo 'nuff said) about how much time we spend together (I want more, he does too, our schedules are difficult to coordinate--thus, I take time off work and get a big date). We laughed and ate and processed. The waitress seemed a little concerned about the intensity of the conversation, but all was well. Then we went to the movie.

The Matrix Reloaded was very good in these respects:

Visually very, very interesting*. Especially those twins.
It moves film as whole forward in its creativity.
It does not betray the first Matrix.
People of color and lots of them.
Its story line is very imaginative, which is so fucking rare in big budget movies.
There are interesting metaphors.
It’s surprisingly sexual.

The only thing I didn’t like was the “courtyard” fight sequence, which I thought looked like a video game and not a movie and which lasted way too long.

*I am a visuals addict (thus, the magazine subscriptions up the wazoo). It made me realize how few movies I actually go to see on the big screen. However, the main reason I see so few is because they're utter crap--as shown by the previews for upcoming attractions. Retch.

After the movie, we stopped off at my house and I met with a roofer to get an estimate on a new roof. At long last, I have the money for a new roof. Then we went to FIRE’s house and I cooked dinner–Kung Pao shrimp, broccoli and snow peas, and steamed rice, peach cobbler for dessert. We ate dinner on his deck, looking at the landscaping and listening to the birds.

He wanted to see the lunar eclipse but...we were otherwise occupied when it occurred.

Late in the evening we went back to my house to spend the night. This was dictated solely by the fact that I had to be in Oakland at eight the next morning to meet more roofers and morning commuter traffic from where he lives is HELL.

A day off from work. It was really, really nice. So nice that I didn’t want to have to go back to work today, after a two hour Employment Law seminar at Jack London Square. But there are e-mails to read, voicemail to listen to, and deadlines to meet. *Sigh*

This weekend, I have my sweet babies.

My guy has weaned. We had a talk. In his mind, he’s a big boy who now gets a skateboard and no longer drinks “nee nee.” I am a bit sad about it, though I was mentally done nursing my guy oh about 12 months ago. Since he’s my last baby I decided to let him linger a bit. He told me for the second time on Wednesday night “You’re my best friend, Mama.”

Our first priority this weekend is to get my girl’s homework done. Also (I made a list during the EL seminar):

Cut the front lawn
Wash the car
Hang a curtain in my bedroom
Laundry
Clean up the back yard
Barbecue
Order groceries
I also need to organize my clothes and donate a bunch of them, but that eats up about 3 hours and I’m not presently in the mood. I’ll put it on the list and give myself a gold star if I actually accomplish it.

Friday Five

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?
Bottled, truth be told. I like Aquafina and Fiji. My mother always, always goes to the tap and drinks the water from there. She insists that it’s fine, that it’s good water. And it’s true, but I don’t like the flavor.

2. What are your favorite flavor of chips?
Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos.

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?
It depends on what I crave. I am proud of my Baked Alaska.

4. How do you have your eggs?
Scrambled.

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?
Cooked me a meal? Well, it was a guy I am not seeing anymore, and it was delicious.

I do a little, then I take a break--filling out a homeowners insurance policy form. Since the house is 100 this year (Happy Centenary!), I have to answer questions like Has Electrical System Been Updated? Specify when. Help me Lord. Does Dwelling Have Knob and Tube Wiring? Huh?

I am taking tomorrow off from work. FIRE and I are gonna hang out all day, after I drop the kids off. We’re going to see The Matrix Reloaded. I got the tickets online a week before last.

This is all quite unlike me–slacking off work, movies... But life is short, n’est pas?

This morning went very well.

I woke up at 6:30 and woke my girl up, per her request. She got up to get more playing time in. I went to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee and washed dishes. The window was open and the morning air was warm and fresh. I looked out of the window as I washed the dishes and scanned my rose bushes. They are full of blooms, thanks to the fertilizing regimen I’ve got them on and the very wet spring. I can cut a new bouquet every other day.

My boy woke up after another dry night–no more sleeping in diapers. He came downstairs to wail about a bad dream he had and I comforted him. I had a huge cup of coffee while the children puttered around and my daughter completed her math homework (whew). As I was rinsing strawberries for my girl’s school snack I thought “Summer is almost here.” I put pinto beans, onion, tomato paste, garlic, paprika, and turkey sausage in a crock pot for dinner tonight. Everyone got dressed and into the car in good spirits, helped by the gorgeous weather.

The evening went very well too. I watered the grass seed in the back yard, and then my children took over the hose. It sprang a leak, which my son then proceeded to run through, fully clothed. In short order he was soaked and naked and screaming happily. I warmed up leftover barbecue for dinner. After dinner, I showed my daughter how to use the vacuum. She had made quite a mess on the carpet. She enjoyed vacuuming and when my boy gets bigger, it will be his turn to learn as well.


Three Mustard Barbecue Sauce

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 celery ribs, finely diced
1 red bell pepper, seeded and finely diced
1 green bell pepper, seeded and finely diced
1 yellow bell pepper, seeded and finely diced
1 onion, finely diced
1 clove garlic, minced
2 cups firmly packed dark brown sugar
1 cup Dijon-style mustard
1 cup whole-grain mustard
1 cup prepared yellow mustard
Juice of ½ lemon
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

In a large saucepan, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the celery, bell peppers, onion, and garlic, and cook, stirring, until they start to become soft, 3 to 5 minutes. Add the brown sugar and stir until it is dissolved. Stir in the three mustards and reduce the heat to low. Simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the remaining ingredients except for the alt and pepper, and simmer 10 minutes longer, stirring frequently. Taste and check the seasoning, adding salt and pepper if needed.

Let cool, place in an airtight container, and refrigerate. It will keep for several months.


Sholanda’s Mama Quiz, courtesy of Angela

1. Tell one thing that your mom says, that you swore you would never say, but whoops! now you say it.

My mother was really young when she had us. So she wasn’t out of step, saying things that were completely anachronistic and nutty. She says "Okey, dokey" and my son goes into spasms of happiness whenever she does.

2. What did/does your mom smell like? Look like?
My mom has gone through phases when she eschewed deodorant, right after she was treated for breast cancer. So she was a bit fragrant. She uses it again, so she smells like face cream, mostly. She is short, 5'2" and very curvaceous. She has a lovely gap between her front teeth.

3. Tell three ways that you are like your mom, positive or negative.

We are both lawyers.
We are both competitive.
We are both enthusiastic about cooking.

4. Okay, four ways that you are not like your mom, positive or negative.

Not as smart as she is.
Not as tenacious.
Not as strong. My mother is as strong as a bar of iron.
Not as brave. She has gone through great hardship and emerged in one piece.

5. And now, some way that your kid(s) are like you, if you have kids. If you have imaginary kids or pets or something, that’s okay too.

My son is strong willed like me.
My girl is emotional like me, even more so.
My kids are verbal like me.
My girl likes to cook.

6. Are you acknowledging mother’s day with your mom? Why or why not, and how?

I got her a box of chocolate covered cherries (not too many) and hung out in her back yard.

7. If you are a mom, what is your own fantasy for your mother’s day?

Low stress, babe. No crowds. I like using Mother’s Day as an excuse not to have to wait on my girl hand and foot (just hand). It would be great to have a massage and pedicure in honor of Mother’s Day.

8. What is one thing that would improve the life of moms everywhere?

Get rid of guns. This country has over 200 million guns.

9. Tell one favorite story about your mom.

When my mother was in law school, she had five children. Nevertheless, she sewed our clothes on her Singer sewing machine (which she still has and uses) and baked bread. She kept us fed and clothed on student loans and her summer job at Legal Services. Her first job after law school was for the federal government and she made $1,000 a month. We thought this was so much money.

10.Anything else you would like to add?

I am very proud of my mother. I benefit every day from her example as a working mother.


This information is priceless. Trust.

Happy Mother’s Day

My Mother’s Day was pretty cool.

I woke up without my kids and made myself breakfast. I read the New York Times and the San Francisco Chronicle while I ate in the very sunny dining room. The Sunday Chronicle is a waste of time, for the most part, and I have to be very careful that the lack of content and the load of advertising doesn’t put me in a cranky frame of mind. After breakfast I cleaned the ketchup and blackberry jam my kids had smeared into the carpet with my new Little Green carpet cleaner. I was very pleased with the results. Then I took a shower and waited for my kids to return.

When they got back, we went into the backyard to hang out. My son gave me a mallow blossom and said “Happy Hanukkah, Mama.” I said “You mean Happy Mother’s Day?” He said “Yes, Happy Mother’s Day.” My daughter wanted to see my mother, so I called her to let her know we were coming over. My stepfather told me that my ex was there, waiting to go play golf with my brothers.

Divorce 101: When you get divorced, you don’t get to hang out with your ex’s family. They belong to your ex and not you.

Divorce 101: When you get divorced, you don’t get to hang out with your ex’s family. They belong to your ex and not you. My ex is a clueless, selfish wanker and he refuses to bugger off and leave my family to me.

I was annoyed and not wanting to hang out with my ex, so we hung out in the yard for another 30 minutes and then went to my mother’s house. He was not there. We hung out in my mother’s back yard and had a grand time.

Then we returned home. In the early afternoon, I did something I have never done before.

I barbecued chicken.

Before, whenever I smelled barbecue in the neighborhood I felt a stab of envy that someone was eating barbecue. But I had never tried it. It’s very straightforward. Light the coals, let them turn gray, put the meat on the grill, keep an eye on the meat and move it around frequently, baste it with sauce the last 5 to 10 minutes, do not let the sauce burn, take the meat off.

It turned out delicious.

I made my own barbecue sauce, from this cookbook–a three mustard barbecue sauce.

We had barbecued chicken, potato salad, garlic bread and strawberries for dessert.

Later, I had to push my girl through her homework, fold four loads of laundry, and try to clean up the destruction my children had waged on the house.

They were exhausted from the sun and all the yard work and a bath and slept quite well.

Saturday, my children went to their dad’s house, so I worked in the yard, hoeing the weeds in the very back and clearing an area to plant grass seed. Later I drove to San Francisco to attend a birthday party. Unfortunately, because the weather was so spectacular and the party was near Golden Gate Park, there was no parking. So I just drove to my friend’s house and dropped off her son’s gift, then went back to the East Bay.

My boyfriend, James, sent me a Mother’s Day card, which made my heart very glad. Thank you James!!!

I spent two days in Napa at a legal conference. I had never been there before, but it’s reputation had preceded it, both good and bad. I visited Copia for a dessert reception, which was just okay. It was nice to get away from my life for a couple of days, but I felt Napa is a Tale of Two Cities–the best of times and the worst of times, depending on your color. Gimme multi-cultural Oakland any time. I am not a wine taster and the good food is in St. Helena, Calistoga and Sonoma, so I don’t need to visit Napa any more.

And while it is nice to get away, it also sucks to get away. I drove home Wednesday afternoon and got my kids, took them to my sister’s house for dinner, then took them home and put their stinky butts in the tub. The never bathe at their father’s house. We slept in my big bed and got up the next morning feeling refreshed. I was bumming because I thought I was going to miss an interesting presentation back at the conference, but they switched the order, so I got a municipal litigation update in the afternoon and didn’t miss it. And part of it was presented by my girlfriend from 8th grade, who practices the same kind of law that I do (although she went to Harvard Law and I didn’t). I was busting with pride watching her.

The sucky part about being away from work/home is that I needed to make a bunch of phone calls and mail letters and that wasn’t possible. And I couldn’t blog.

This weekend is Mother’s Day. I don’t have ANYTHING planned, either to do for myself or do for my mother. It’s coming too soon after Easter, so I don’t feel like having a get together at my house.


1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?

Not really. I have a lot of organization imposed on me by court deadlines, and the nature of my work in general. And I am a lot less tolerant of clutter and mess than I used to be. But, it doesn’t mean that I am a good list maker, or that I calendar everything and am well aware of all of my obligations. My secretary is extremely organized and she reminds me about meetings and appointments well in advance. And then there are so many ways to be organized now that the Internet is here–like transferring money from my checking account to my credit card bill, or ordering groceries online.

2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?

I have a computer calendar and two desk calendars. I use the computer calendar regularly, but I don’t enter everything anywhere.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?

My desk is very organized because I went away to a conference and I hate to return to work to a messy desk. Especially because I am a litigator, I hate the feeling that a messy desk might be hiding something that is time sensitive.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?

No, I never have and I can’t imagine doing so.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?

My children’s toys. They’re everywhere and I need to donate most of them to Goodwill. But then I get a uproar of resistence.

Not the most stellar example of mothering, yesterday evening. But the weekend was very taxing, so I think we all deserved a peaceful evening at home. I bought a Spongebob DVD and they watched it happily while I warmed up chicken and rice leftovers and baked some more refrigerator rolls. Their baking made the house smell so good. I cleaned up a little bit, took out some of the fabric in my quilt, watched part of Six Feet Under (taped from Sunday), and defrosted the ice maker in the freezer.

Last night I discovered the twenty questions meme blog and this morning it is gone.

So I stole this from ebonyblue:

1. What's the toiletry product you wouldn't be without? Toothpaste
2. Do you take vitamins? If so which ones? Nope. I need to take a daily multivitamin but I keep forgetting.
3. What do you do if you can't sleep? Listen to recorded books, which put me right to sleep, or watch a movie. And then there’s always obsessing.
4. If you're ill, is there a 'comfort food' you like to have? Popsicles, I guess, if I have a fever.
5. Which childhood illnesses did you have ( e.g. measles )? Chicken pox, mumps
6. Have you ever taken a sick day from work when you weren't ill? Of course. I’ve taken them when others (my girl) were not ill either.
7. Have you ever broken a bone? No, thank goodness.
8. Do you trust 'alternative' remedies? Hmmm. I believe in the power of the mind to heal. That means I believe in the belief of other people in alternative remedies. And I think massage is a good idea for everyone.
9. What career did you want to have when you were a child? A truck driver, so I could eat at Dennys all the time.
10. What religion are you? Love.
11.there a luxury item you'd like for your house? A Viking Stove
12. What's the latest computer program you bought? TurboTax
13. What's the last book you bought? Toot and Puddle on Top of the World, Seductions of Rice for someone else.
14. What would be your ideal day out? A trip to the beach in San Francisco, lunch at the Zuni Café, a walk in North Beach complete with cappuccino and biscotti, dinner at Boulevard.
15. Do you vote? If so, which party? I vote religiously. I’m a yellow dog Democrat.
16. How many meals do you eat a day? 2 or 3. I sometimes skip dinner, when I don’t have my children.
17. Which drink do you drink most often? Water has, at long last, outpaced Diet Coke and cranberry juice.
18. What sort of cola do you prefer ( e.g. Pepsi )? Vanilla Diet Coke
19. When were you last ill? What with? I am lucky not to get laid low by colds. The last illness I had was a gall bladder attack in September 2000. I then had it removed, in October 2000.
20. Do you take any medication regularly? If so what? Nope.


Rest in peace.

Feliz el Cinco de Mayo.


The sun is shining after a rainy/cloudy weekend. It’s not very warm though–only in the 60s.

This weekend...thank goodness it’s over.

It had a little of everything, I tell you.

It started out well: I got my first pedicure on Friday at lunch time. It was both fabulously relaxing and a bit painful and terribly exciting to finally be getting one. Feet in a bubble whirlpool, cutting and buffing, massage up to my knees, salt scrub, pretty pearl nail polish, drying in front of a little heater. I am so doing it once a month.

I wore sandals back to work and stared at my toes the rest of the day.

I didn’t have my children on Friday night, so I watched the second half of the Forsyte Saga.

Outing myself: I am addicted to British period pieces, a la Howards End, Gosford Park, and Brideshead Revisited, etc.

Unfortunately, I had a conversation which started a mind fuck gremlin going in my head: that I did not have legitimate (bad enough) reasons to get a divorce, that my reasons were trivial.

So I woke up Saturday morning feeling bent out of shape. When my ex dropped the children off (LATE), he asked when I intended to take the children to Hawaii. I told him the end of August. He said that he intended to take my baby girl (and not her brother) to Europe in August, for 12 days. Motherfucker. I told him he needed to let me know when he intended to take her, so that I would not pay for her summer arts program during those two weeks. He was very vague about the whole thing. It is clearly just an attempt to one-up me in the Divorced Parent Olympics. He will probably propose bringing her back on August 22–ass. I hope this talk is like most things he proposes, and will come to nothing. I don’t want him to take my child to another continent. Not for another couple of years. She is still very young. I didn’t mention that he needed to get her a passport, because I am not organizing him anymore.

We went to my sister’s house to participate in a May Faire at her children’s Waldorf School. The weather was raining and the ground was soaked, but I had never seen anyone dancing around a Maypole before, so that was interesting. However, as we stood in line to spend $3 on a bowl of pasta salad with peas, I hit a mental wall.

I took my children out of the line and said we were going to leave and get Chinese food for lunch. My sister’s daughter wanted to go with us, so we took her and went to Oakland Chinatown, to dine at Sun Hong Kong. The restaurant has roast ducks hanging in the front with their heads still on. It also had a barbecued pig carcass hanging beside the ducks. My children liked to look at the live crabs and lobsters in their tank, while we ate spring rolls, chicken chow mein with crispy noodles, beef with mixed vegetables, and shrimp fried rice. In retrospect, I wish we had gone to Le Cheval, but their spring rolls have meat and my daughter likes the ones which are vegetarian.

We finished and went home, where the kids played and fought and played with their cousin the rest of the day. I gave them a bath and put them in my bed. My son, rather comically, fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, having had a long day where he expressed a lot of tiredness. I think some of the stress of the divorce is hitting him now. He came home from his father’s house meowing and clinging to me and he whined though most of the day.

FIRE came over for a visit, long after the children were asleep. He admired my pedicure.

Sunday I spent the entire day in my flannel bathrobe and pajamas. The most excellent James stopped by with banana walnut brownies (delicious–the bananas enhance the chocolate flavor) and pralines from New Orleans (which I will share with my mother), on his way to church, looking very elegant all in black. I called my sister, who had pledged to pick up her daughter early, at 3:00PM (not early) to come and get her girl. She was yelling at my son and I needed to get my girl’s homework done.

While my son was in the back yard looking at worms, I made refrigerator rolls. Then my daughter helped me cook a Charleston Chicken and Sausage with Rice dish. I had her slice the turkey polska kielbasa, wash the rice, and add the sausage, onions, and the rice to the pot. She did a wonderful job and it was fun to teach her about cooking. It was also terrific to be cooking. The rice and the rolls were delicious for Sunday dinner (with green beans on the side), and brownies for dessert.

I apologized to my girl for being so grouchy during the weekend. She did a good job and got all of her homework done (it took about 4 hours altogether).


Layne is back and I am very glad of it.

This is from nakachi:

hello, sweet aj.

i'm sending out a mama APB for help in helping starmama. babygirl needs a new ride and if the community can raise $800 we can get her one.

would you consider posting a call for donations on your blogspot? she has a paypal link on her site. details of her situation can also be found there.

i believe in my soul it's a worthy cause and if we work together we can improve her life and the life of that baby boy of hers.

love to you for your time and consideration,

n.

My brain is a bit scrambled.

Not the melt down kind.

Not the take to your bed and hide under the covers.

Just kind of fuzzy, semi-hiatus kind.

I met FIRE yesterday at lunch time. We were both on the job, so he was...you know...in uniform, driving a big red truck. We just sat for a little while and caught up, kissed a few times and held hands. We would have kissed goodbye but there were people watching us. Then we both went back to work.

Three for Thursday Friday

1. What are 3 things you love to feel on your face?

My son’s face.
My daughter’s cheek.
A flannel pillow case.

2. What are your 3 favorite smells/scents?

My son’s neck
Sweet potato pie baking
A clean house

3. What are 3 sounds that you love to listen to?

My children splashing in the tub and not fighting
FIRE’s voice
Keith Jarrett

4. What are your 3 things you love to see?

My children’s faces
Vivid colors
A beautiful garden

5. What are your 3 favorite tastes/flavors?

Chocolate
Cinnamon
FIRE