small hands
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
So my birthday was yesterday. I turned 39. And it went well. I enjoyed it.
My enjoyment was comprised of little things. Probably because I’m older, I don’t expect a big show of gifts or celebrations. I’ve read about folks having a “birthday week” where they expect to be taken out and treated like a king/queen for an entire week, but really, I treat myself the way I want to be treated and don’t put that on other people.
In the morning I had to go to court (as usual) and then I had an arbitration. The arbitrator was assigned by the court and she is a woman I’ve seen in court for years and always been friendly with. Her secretary heard my colleague wish me a happy birthday, so she did too. Then when the arbitrator came into the conference room she wished me a happy birthday. That was very sweet. The arbitrator said she is turning 50 this year and I realized that I look up to her as an example of professional success as well as aging gracefully. Comfortable in her own skin, very professional and knowledgeable and financially successful.
Also age is being redefined in the post-feminist aging baby boom era. Not in the stupid cheesy Hollywood version of Look at her, she’s 35 and still hot, which is completely dehumanizing. But in terms of people living longer and being healthier.
I had my children relatively late. I had them much later than my mother had her children–although, since she has seven children whose ages range 24 years apart, she had them when she was at all different ages. Anyway, looking at my little ones yesterday, I thought These guys keep me young.
So the arbitration was taxing (it makes me really mad when the plaintiff’s attorney knows the case is shit, but sits there and tries with a straight face to ask for $784,000 in damages) and adversarial, but then it was over, and my colleague R. took me to lunch at a very nice restaurant where I had a crab salad. One of those really good, round, piled high, very pretty salads.
Then I went back to the office and we had cake and ice cream (!) in the afternoon in the law library.
D. called me to wish me a happy birthday. We (our families) are going on vacation to Kona in August. [Notorious B.I.G.] Going, going, back, back to Kona. [/Notorious B.I.G.] I have already bought the plane tickets and made the condominium reservations, and then made the mistake of telling my son. He wanted to get on the plane that day and cried when I said we couldn’t yet and now asks me every day if we can please go today.
My older sister called to wish me a happy birthday and said she had a present for me at her house. And my mom and stepfather called and said they had a present for me at their house. I went to my mom’s house, checked on my stepfather (who had taken too long of a walk that day and was tired, but otherwise well), and picked up the bath products they got me. Yay bath products.
Then I went home and cleaned up the house. I had a burst of energy [probably the cake and ice cream :o) ] and wanted to take advantage of my sweet babies’ absence to get things in order.
As I was cleaning, I thought about my life so far. I’m happy with most aspects of it. It has its ups and downs like everyone’s life. I experience pain on a regular basis, like everyone else. But I don’t have profound regrets–for which I am very grateful. It’s not because I was so smart and designed my life the way I wanted it to be. No, I’m am a very, very fortunate person. My good fortune started with the parents I have–for better or for worse. Their emphasis on education has laid the foundation for much of the success in my life.
I think that because I'm 39 and a single mother, I'm supposed to experience great angst and discontent. I expected that I would feel this way when I was considering getting a divorce. But I am not feeling it right now. Knock wood. I've worked and continue to work very hard to enjoy and appreciate my life. I'm not always successful, but then sometimes I am.
I am also very grateful that the stress and frustration and tension of my marriage is gone from my life. I tune into the serenity of my living space all the time, thankful that the three of us are just doing our thing and that I feel relaxed and safe.
I haven’t had the time and mental space to think about what I want for the next year and into the future, but I intend to do that and more in the next weeks and months.
Oh, and I had leftover birthday cake for breakfast.
My enjoyment was comprised of little things. Probably because I’m older, I don’t expect a big show of gifts or celebrations. I’ve read about folks having a “birthday week” where they expect to be taken out and treated like a king/queen for an entire week, but really, I treat myself the way I want to be treated and don’t put that on other people.
In the morning I had to go to court (as usual) and then I had an arbitration. The arbitrator was assigned by the court and she is a woman I’ve seen in court for years and always been friendly with. Her secretary heard my colleague wish me a happy birthday, so she did too. Then when the arbitrator came into the conference room she wished me a happy birthday. That was very sweet. The arbitrator said she is turning 50 this year and I realized that I look up to her as an example of professional success as well as aging gracefully. Comfortable in her own skin, very professional and knowledgeable and financially successful.
Also age is being redefined in the post-feminist aging baby boom era. Not in the stupid cheesy Hollywood version of Look at her, she’s 35 and still hot, which is completely dehumanizing. But in terms of people living longer and being healthier.
I had my children relatively late. I had them much later than my mother had her children–although, since she has seven children whose ages range 24 years apart, she had them when she was at all different ages. Anyway, looking at my little ones yesterday, I thought These guys keep me young.
So the arbitration was taxing (it makes me really mad when the plaintiff’s attorney knows the case is shit, but sits there and tries with a straight face to ask for $784,000 in damages) and adversarial, but then it was over, and my colleague R. took me to lunch at a very nice restaurant where I had a crab salad. One of those really good, round, piled high, very pretty salads.
Then I went back to the office and we had cake and ice cream (!) in the afternoon in the law library.
D. called me to wish me a happy birthday. We (our families) are going on vacation to Kona in August. [Notorious B.I.G.] Going, going, back, back to Kona. [/Notorious B.I.G.] I have already bought the plane tickets and made the condominium reservations, and then made the mistake of telling my son. He wanted to get on the plane that day and cried when I said we couldn’t yet and now asks me every day if we can please go today.
My older sister called to wish me a happy birthday and said she had a present for me at her house. And my mom and stepfather called and said they had a present for me at their house. I went to my mom’s house, checked on my stepfather (who had taken too long of a walk that day and was tired, but otherwise well), and picked up the bath products they got me. Yay bath products.
Then I went home and cleaned up the house. I had a burst of energy [probably the cake and ice cream :o) ] and wanted to take advantage of my sweet babies’ absence to get things in order.
As I was cleaning, I thought about my life so far. I’m happy with most aspects of it. It has its ups and downs like everyone’s life. I experience pain on a regular basis, like everyone else. But I don’t have profound regrets–for which I am very grateful. It’s not because I was so smart and designed my life the way I wanted it to be. No, I’m am a very, very fortunate person. My good fortune started with the parents I have–for better or for worse. Their emphasis on education has laid the foundation for much of the success in my life.
I think that because I'm 39 and a single mother, I'm supposed to experience great angst and discontent. I expected that I would feel this way when I was considering getting a divorce. But I am not feeling it right now. Knock wood. I've worked and continue to work very hard to enjoy and appreciate my life. I'm not always successful, but then sometimes I am.
I am also very grateful that the stress and frustration and tension of my marriage is gone from my life. I tune into the serenity of my living space all the time, thankful that the three of us are just doing our thing and that I feel relaxed and safe.
I haven’t had the time and mental space to think about what I want for the next year and into the future, but I intend to do that and more in the next weeks and months.
Oh, and I had leftover birthday cake for breakfast.
Monday, March 29, 2004
My boy loves to kiss me. I am very thankful for that.
He has entered a new phase. It's a phase in which I wince and tiptoe gingerly into a room to see what destruction he has wrought.
Yesterday it was red marker all over a two foot by one foot square on the beige carpet in my bedroom.
I thought I got it all cleaned up, but this morning in the bright sunlight I saw that I had not.
He can't explain why he did it. He just apologizes over and over again and hugs me and kisses me.
He's getting better at baseball. We practice together in the back yard until he gets tired. I tell him not be afraid of the ball.
He insists on going into the boys' bathroom by himself now. No more women's bathroom for him. *Sigh*
I want to start piecing a new quilt, but I haven't finished quilting the one I'm working on now and I don't want to never finish it.
My brother came to visit me yesterday. He was out in the back yard playing with both kids while I searched and searched for my flower seeds (sweet peas, Shirley poppies, red sunflowers). I finally found them and I realized, listening to him playing with kids, that it's nice to have someone take the parenting responsibilties over, even if it's just for 30 minutes or so. I didn't have that when I was married. As soon as I got on the scene, my ex handed me the kids and went off to do his own thing for hours and hours and hours.
He has entered a new phase. It's a phase in which I wince and tiptoe gingerly into a room to see what destruction he has wrought.
Yesterday it was red marker all over a two foot by one foot square on the beige carpet in my bedroom.
I thought I got it all cleaned up, but this morning in the bright sunlight I saw that I had not.
He can't explain why he did it. He just apologizes over and over again and hugs me and kisses me.
He's getting better at baseball. We practice together in the back yard until he gets tired. I tell him not be afraid of the ball.
He insists on going into the boys' bathroom by himself now. No more women's bathroom for him. *Sigh*
I want to start piecing a new quilt, but I haven't finished quilting the one I'm working on now and I don't want to never finish it.
My brother came to visit me yesterday. He was out in the back yard playing with both kids while I searched and searched for my flower seeds (sweet peas, Shirley poppies, red sunflowers). I finally found them and I realized, listening to him playing with kids, that it's nice to have someone take the parenting responsibilties over, even if it's just for 30 minutes or so. I didn't have that when I was married. As soon as I got on the scene, my ex handed me the kids and went off to do his own thing for hours and hours and hours.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Ahem. My first bouquet of the season from my rose bushes. It's going to be a heck of a year.
We're having a great day so far. We got my little dude a much needed haircut. Then we went to Rockridge Long's Drugs, where I got him a consolation toy and some gardening stuff for myself.
Then I took the kids to see this movie. Before we went into the theater, we went to the Emeryville Public Market for some lunch. I got a sushi roll with shrimp and cucumber--very, very good. My girl got tandoori chicken and basmati rice. We found these candies for my boy--he loves them. So everyone was set.
The kids enjoyed the movie. No comment from me.
Now I'm going to start my sweet pea seeds and take it easy for the rest of the day.
Hope your weekend is going well.
Friday, March 26, 2004
So. Exhausted. This week has been punishing.
Wednesday--depositions in San Francisco, massive back yard cleaning (not complaining about that), good-bye party which resulted in a late school night.
Thursday--depositions in the office, drafting big motion, meetings, slow computer (thanks to the craptastic network)
Friday--two hearings in the morning which took way too long, racing back to the office to finish the motion, racing up to Sacramento to get it filed (120 miles roundtrip), back to court for a meeting.
It's the kind of week where you want to take off your work clothes and burn them in protest.
When my secretary said today that she was going to lunch and she'd be back, before my motion was completed, I wanted to cry. But she came right back and worked with me to get it together and ready to file.
Of course, I read it walking away from the court building after I filed it, critical of its shortcomings. Why did I do that? There's no point. And it's a good motion. And the opposing counsel is a clueless dipshit, so it's more than good enough.
Tired. So tired. I must have driven 250 miles today.
At least, since it's Friday, I don't have to lug my 800 pound briefcase, crammed with files, deposition transcripts, and my laptop, home for another night. If I drank martinis, I would now. But I don't. So a big glass of water, some mindless channel surfing, and early to bed will have to do.
Wednesday--depositions in San Francisco, massive back yard cleaning (not complaining about that), good-bye party which resulted in a late school night.
Thursday--depositions in the office, drafting big motion, meetings, slow computer (thanks to the craptastic network)
Friday--two hearings in the morning which took way too long, racing back to the office to finish the motion, racing up to Sacramento to get it filed (120 miles roundtrip), back to court for a meeting.
It's the kind of week where you want to take off your work clothes and burn them in protest.
When my secretary said today that she was going to lunch and she'd be back, before my motion was completed, I wanted to cry. But she came right back and worked with me to get it together and ready to file.
Of course, I read it walking away from the court building after I filed it, critical of its shortcomings. Why did I do that? There's no point. And it's a good motion. And the opposing counsel is a clueless dipshit, so it's more than good enough.
Tired. So tired. I must have driven 250 miles today.
At least, since it's Friday, I don't have to lug my 800 pound briefcase, crammed with files, deposition transcripts, and my laptop, home for another night. If I drank martinis, I would now. But I don't. So a big glass of water, some mindless channel surfing, and early to bed will have to do.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
I was sitting at the breakfast table on Sunday, reading this magazine while my mom and stepdad and brother ate breakfast. I remarked on one particularly beautiful woman in the magazine. My mom replied, rather fiercely, “You know that picture is airbrushed.” And I realized that she was feeling protective of me, thinking that I was comparing myself unfavorably to the woman.
Which is cute. Since I’m gonna be 39 next Tuesday. So she needn’t feel so protective of me. Or fail to realize that I understand the picture is not a realistic representation of beauty.
But then again, I am very protective of my girl in the same way. I don’t want her to compare herself unfavorably to an unrealistic standard of beauty. I don’t want her to compare herself unfavorably to anything.
Today I am going to take my girl to have her eyes examined. Then she is having a Balinese dance recital. I’ve got to grab my camera from home before I return her to school.
Oh yeah, and I asked for a promotion at work. My boss said yes, but the organization is going through budgetary sh*t so it might get stalled. It’s not that big of a salary change–I mean, really not. But when they get into the fiscal crackdown mode, even things that don’t have any fiscal impact get an automatic veto. I got into my Katie Couric mode–you know, pay me $13 million a year–and asked for a promotion. Because if you don’t ask for it, they’re never going to just give it to you. If you have to work and be away from your family, get paid.
Which is cute. Since I’m gonna be 39 next Tuesday. So she needn’t feel so protective of me. Or fail to realize that I understand the picture is not a realistic representation of beauty.
But then again, I am very protective of my girl in the same way. I don’t want her to compare herself unfavorably to an unrealistic standard of beauty. I don’t want her to compare herself unfavorably to anything.
Today I am going to take my girl to have her eyes examined. Then she is having a Balinese dance recital. I’ve got to grab my camera from home before I return her to school.
Oh yeah, and I asked for a promotion at work. My boss said yes, but the organization is going through budgetary sh*t so it might get stalled. It’s not that big of a salary change–I mean, really not. But when they get into the fiscal crackdown mode, even things that don’t have any fiscal impact get an automatic veto. I got into my Katie Couric mode–you know, pay me $13 million a year–and asked for a promotion. Because if you don’t ask for it, they’re never going to just give it to you. If you have to work and be away from your family, get paid.
Monday, March 22, 2004
I went for a walk yesterday.
A five mile walk.
A Sunday morning walk.
A dutiful daughter walk.
When I got up, intending to go for my walk, the weather was overcast. Not the glorious, golden sunshiny morning that I had envisioned. So I started talking myself out of it.
But I didn’t listen to that part of my brain, got my walking shoes on, clipped this thing to my waist band, put on a light fleece jacket and headed out.
I walked up to Peets on Piedmont Avenue (1.7 miles) and bought a small cup of Guatemalan coffee. Very tasty. Then I went next door and bought one glazed donut. Very tasty too.
It’s very different for me to just put my drivers license, my ATM card, $12 in cash and my house key in my pocket and head out on foot. So streamlined. Walking is the easiest form of exercise for me, once I get over the phobia that someone is going to drive up in a van and kidnap me.
I wish more people walked. It was cool to pass people and nod and/or say “Good morning.”
I wish I had known more people. I would have loved them all. Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
Then I walked over to my mom’s house to check on my stepfather (1 mile). He was sitting at the breakfast table with my older brother, while my mom prepared scrambled eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, toast, coffee and orange juice. He was wearing pajamas and a bathrobe and, though his face was a little puffy and he looked a little tired, he looked well. I gave him a big hug and kiss and we talked about how he’s doing.
While he was talking, I was sitting and looking at him and feeling quite verklempt. I want us to just get past this, no more cancer (they think they got it all, but it was a little bit more extensive than they expected), healing completed. It’s going to take a while, but he will be okay.
I declined any breakfast and just had two glasses of water and my multi-vitamins. I take these and they’ve made a big difference in my energy level.
Then I walked home (2.3 miles), taking note of the plants in front yards and listening to NPR.
There’s something about walking up to my house. First, I think that I’ve got to transplant the two underperforming rhododendrons, because they’re pissing me off and one has had 8 years to shape up and it hasn’t. They don’t like the alkaline soil in my front yard. So they’re going to the back yard, to be replaced by a camellia or a group of lilacs in the front. Second, I just feel a surge of love for my house. It’s really unique and it feels so comfortable to me. Not just because I walked 5 miles and it’s nice to stop walking, but because it’s mine and I’ve worked to make it my home.
A five mile walk.
A Sunday morning walk.
A dutiful daughter walk.
When I got up, intending to go for my walk, the weather was overcast. Not the glorious, golden sunshiny morning that I had envisioned. So I started talking myself out of it.
But I didn’t listen to that part of my brain, got my walking shoes on, clipped this thing to my waist band, put on a light fleece jacket and headed out.
I walked up to Peets on Piedmont Avenue (1.7 miles) and bought a small cup of Guatemalan coffee. Very tasty. Then I went next door and bought one glazed donut. Very tasty too.
It’s very different for me to just put my drivers license, my ATM card, $12 in cash and my house key in my pocket and head out on foot. So streamlined. Walking is the easiest form of exercise for me, once I get over the phobia that someone is going to drive up in a van and kidnap me.
I wish more people walked. It was cool to pass people and nod and/or say “Good morning.”
I wish I had known more people. I would have loved them all. Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
Then I walked over to my mom’s house to check on my stepfather (1 mile). He was sitting at the breakfast table with my older brother, while my mom prepared scrambled eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, toast, coffee and orange juice. He was wearing pajamas and a bathrobe and, though his face was a little puffy and he looked a little tired, he looked well. I gave him a big hug and kiss and we talked about how he’s doing.
While he was talking, I was sitting and looking at him and feeling quite verklempt. I want us to just get past this, no more cancer (they think they got it all, but it was a little bit more extensive than they expected), healing completed. It’s going to take a while, but he will be okay.
I declined any breakfast and just had two glasses of water and my multi-vitamins. I take these and they’ve made a big difference in my energy level.
Then I walked home (2.3 miles), taking note of the plants in front yards and listening to NPR.
There’s something about walking up to my house. First, I think that I’ve got to transplant the two underperforming rhododendrons, because they’re pissing me off and one has had 8 years to shape up and it hasn’t. They don’t like the alkaline soil in my front yard. So they’re going to the back yard, to be replaced by a camellia or a group of lilacs in the front. Second, I just feel a surge of love for my house. It’s really unique and it feels so comfortable to me. Not just because I walked 5 miles and it’s nice to stop walking, but because it’s mine and I’ve worked to make it my home.
Friday, March 19, 2004
I understand that am living on borrowed time, so to speak. Daylight Savings Time starts April 4, after which time it won't be so easy to wake up at 6 AM. But for right now, at 6AM the sun is shining, I'm rested and I have some time to spare before I have to get on the hamster's wheel and drag on the panty hose.
This morning, I got up and performed the morning portion of this yoga DVD. It was great. I have never seen a yoga video featuring a South Asian woman instructor and she's got a lean, strong, not skinny body. It was fun, invigorating and challenging.
Afterward, I felt like a million bucks.
This weekend I will not have my kids, so I intend to:
--Unbraid my hair
--Cut the lawns
--Fertilize my plants
--Do my taxes. Yeah, I would have done them sooner, but I didn't have a computer.
--Purge and donate
--Go for some walks
--Do some yoga
Back in the day, ten years or more ago, I would have watched a ton of college basketball. I loved college basketball through college and law school. Then I had a very stressful experience (buying my house), which ended at the end of February, and my nerves were so shot that I couldn't watch the NCAA tournament. Since then, I've had kids and haven't had time to watch the games. I miss it sometimes. College basketball is a blast. But life is about change.
--Go see my beloved stepfather.
His surgery went fine, thank God, and he's feeling well. Resting and healing.
This morning, I got up and performed the morning portion of this yoga DVD. It was great. I have never seen a yoga video featuring a South Asian woman instructor and she's got a lean, strong, not skinny body. It was fun, invigorating and challenging.
Afterward, I felt like a million bucks.
This weekend I will not have my kids, so I intend to:
--Unbraid my hair
--Cut the lawns
--Fertilize my plants
--Do my taxes. Yeah, I would have done them sooner, but I didn't have a computer.
--Purge and donate
--Go for some walks
--Do some yoga
Back in the day, ten years or more ago, I would have watched a ton of college basketball. I loved college basketball through college and law school. Then I had a very stressful experience (buying my house), which ended at the end of February, and my nerves were so shot that I couldn't watch the NCAA tournament. Since then, I've had kids and haven't had time to watch the games. I miss it sometimes. College basketball is a blast. But life is about change.
--Go see my beloved stepfather.
His surgery went fine, thank God, and he's feeling well. Resting and healing.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
This morning I woke up at 6:30AM and went downstairs to start the coffee maker and wash up the last of the dinner dishes. After I did so, I rewarded myself with a cup of coffee while I watered some rose bushes that I didn't get to the night before. It was very peaceful, standing in my pajamas with a big old cup of joe, while the dew was on the grass and a cat, sitting on one of my patio chairs, blinked and watched me.
Before I was finished with all of the roses, the lemon trees, the nectarine tree, and the sweet peas, my sleepy boy walked out and joined me. So I put the coffee down and held him on my hip. He is usually in such a good mood in the morning, and as he was perched on his favorite place, he was happy to be outside in the garden. My girl joined us, fuzzy haired and cheerful, and I finished up by watering all the peonies.
It was like having a Saturday morning during the week. It made us a teeny bit late for school and work, but not appreciably so. I wanted to be in my garden and do something fun at the beginning of the day, rather than having to combine dinner preparation with time in my garden, at the end of an exhausting day.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Name four bad habits you have:
- judgmental
- avoiding the telephone
- impatience
-irritable
Name four things that you wish you had:
- a set of All-Clad pots
- a Kohler pedestal sink
- new tile in the bathrooms and the kitchen
- D. back as my co-worker
Name three scents you love:
- clean house
- vanilla
- Sensei by Giorgio Armani
Name four things you'd never wear:
- a tube top
- a halter top
- Daisy Dukes
- thong underwear
Name four things you have done today:
- dropped off a copy of the Sopranos for my mother
- made my bed
- accessorized in green
- spoke to my trifling neighbor
Name four of your favorite things to do:
- kiss my kids
- eat good food
- sit on the beach watching my children play in the water
- quilt/read/garden
Name the last 4 things you have bought:
- Japanese stationary
- flip flops to wear after my pedicure
- work blouses
- gasoline
Name four things you regularly drink: (not counting water)
- coffee
- cranberry juice
- flavored seltzer
- It used to be Diet Coke, but since I have increased my water intake so much, my DC consumption has fallen significantly.
Last time you cried?
- Last Tuesday, Friday and Saturday
Last thing you laughed at?
- Chris Rock
What's in your cd player?
- Robin’s mix CD
What color socks are you wearing?
- I’m wearing black panty hose
What's under your bed?
- Beige carpet.
What time did you wake up today?
- 6:00 am
Current hair?
- Braids which will be taken out this weekend
Current worry?
- Hmmmm....
If you could play an instrument?
- Acoustic guitar
Favorite color?
- I like more than one–purple, black, turquoise
How tall are you?
- 5'7"
Favorite season?
Autumn, I think. But I am so freaking glad that spring is here. It might be my new favorite.
- judgmental
- avoiding the telephone
- impatience
-irritable
Name four things that you wish you had:
- a set of All-Clad pots
- a Kohler pedestal sink
- new tile in the bathrooms and the kitchen
- D. back as my co-worker
Name three scents you love:
- clean house
- vanilla
- Sensei by Giorgio Armani
Name four things you'd never wear:
- a tube top
- a halter top
- Daisy Dukes
- thong underwear
Name four things you have done today:
- dropped off a copy of the Sopranos for my mother
- made my bed
- accessorized in green
- spoke to my trifling neighbor
Name four of your favorite things to do:
- kiss my kids
- eat good food
- sit on the beach watching my children play in the water
- quilt/read/garden
Name the last 4 things you have bought:
- Japanese stationary
- flip flops to wear after my pedicure
- work blouses
- gasoline
Name four things you regularly drink: (not counting water)
- coffee
- cranberry juice
- flavored seltzer
- It used to be Diet Coke, but since I have increased my water intake so much, my DC consumption has fallen significantly.
Last time you cried?
- Last Tuesday, Friday and Saturday
Last thing you laughed at?
- Chris Rock
What's in your cd player?
- Robin’s mix CD
What color socks are you wearing?
- I’m wearing black panty hose
What's under your bed?
- Beige carpet.
What time did you wake up today?
- 6:00 am
Current hair?
- Braids which will be taken out this weekend
Current worry?
- Hmmmm....
If you could play an instrument?
- Acoustic guitar
Favorite color?
- I like more than one–purple, black, turquoise
How tall are you?
- 5'7"
Favorite season?
Autumn, I think. But I am so freaking glad that spring is here. It might be my new favorite.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Today was almost more stupendous than I deserve.
The weather is beyond the beyonds.
I went on my first field trip (as a mother) with my girl and her class.
First I dropped her off at the regular school time and had 90 minutes to kill. So I went to Fourth Street and got some Peets and an apple danish from Bette's To Go.
I sat in front of Design Within Reach and had my breakfast, breathing in and out and feeling thankful about how delicious it all was. [I dunno, I find DWR very pricey.]
Then I got some gasoline and returned to the school. My girl had lectured me that if a trial came up today and I had to go to work, I would be "disappointing three kids." I told her that I had taken the day off, I had no trials, and I intended to be there no matter what.
My girl was delighted that I volunteered to drive. She clung to me for most of the trip, when she wasn't hanging all over her friends. She is such an affectionate person.
I got my girl, two of her buds, and her friend's mother. This was great, because I wanted to have a pleasant interaction with her friend's mother, who is a lovely person, after the hard talk we had on Sunday. Especially after I had declined to eat any of the beautiful spread they laid before me--salmon, blue cheese, crumpets. [I wasn't hungry; not being ornery.]
So the field trip was to Oakland Chinatown. Because the kids are studying China now. We took a tour of a fortune cookie factory (the kids being well aware that fortune cookies were invented in the United States), then had lunch at the Joy Luck Restaurant (spring rolls, sweet and sour chicken, broccoli beef, mixed vegetable chow mein, and vegetarian fried rice), then went on a scavenger hunt, looking for items like a dried seahorse at an herbalist shop and three different kinds of tofu.
We had story time at the Asian Branch of the Oakland Public Library and then returned to the school.
I've got to go on more field trips.
After I dropped my girl off and kissed her goodbye (as her father is picking her up from school), I went and got a pedicure.
It's fun to get a pedicure while reading InStyle magazine and casting an appraising eye at the pedicures featured in its pages.
Plus, it was super-relaxing to have the leg massage with plenty of body oil.
Such a great way to spend a day away from the job.
Monday, March 15, 2004
I'm listening to a mix-CD that Robin sent me. It's so good. And because she's cool, now I'm cool too.
I went with my friend S. this morning to get a restraining order. She got beaten up by her husband. He beat her up about a year ago too, which she never told anyone about. He was prosecuted and put on probation. The "second" beating violated his probation, so he's going to spend some time in prison.
This is good.
It will give her an opportunity to file for divorce.
This time she couldn't hide her broken nose and battered face.
She wants the restaining order to stop him from trying to call her morning, noon and night, and having other people call her, and sending her letters asking her to drop the charges.
We spent/wasted an hour and forty minutes in court getting nothing done because he was not transported from the jail to the hearing. So we have to go back for another hearing.
She is worried that he will be there. I told her not to look at him if he is. That I will look at him and give him the evil eye.
It was hard to sit in family court for an hour and forty minutes. It would have been hard for His Holiness the Dalai Lama to sit there and listen to the low life bickering nonsense that was going on. My only thought was Damn, that Jerry Springer sh*t is not made up.
I went with my friend S. this morning to get a restraining order. She got beaten up by her husband. He beat her up about a year ago too, which she never told anyone about. He was prosecuted and put on probation. The "second" beating violated his probation, so he's going to spend some time in prison.
This is good.
It will give her an opportunity to file for divorce.
This time she couldn't hide her broken nose and battered face.
She wants the restaining order to stop him from trying to call her morning, noon and night, and having other people call her, and sending her letters asking her to drop the charges.
We spent/wasted an hour and forty minutes in court getting nothing done because he was not transported from the jail to the hearing. So we have to go back for another hearing.
She is worried that he will be there. I told her not to look at him if he is. That I will look at him and give him the evil eye.
It was hard to sit in family court for an hour and forty minutes. It would have been hard for His Holiness the Dalai Lama to sit there and listen to the low life bickering nonsense that was going on. My only thought was Damn, that Jerry Springer sh*t is not made up.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
The weekend is almost over and how sweet it has been.
I have my kids. Always an excellent start.
The weather is off the hook!!! In the 70s and low 80s.
My sister gave a party for my stepfather, a good-luck-before-surgery-we-love-you party and she cooked and we ate and had a grand old time.
I had a meeting this morning with the parents of the girl I mentioned earlier, who says hurtful things to my girl. It was brought to my attention again at the parent/teacher meeting last week, and I lost.my.shit. Her parents were mortified and deeply apologetic, and we put things to right. I am hopeful about her future behavior.
Then, because the meeting was stressful, I took my kids to the Alameda beach. Oh, what a great, restorative time we had there. Just chilling, you know? My girl packed water, juice, trail mix, tangelos, and biscotti and towels and everything. I shlepped along some sun screen and something to sit on. I sat in the sun and took deep breaths, they ran and played in the low tide. It was beautiful.
We went to the library and I returned a children's book that was due in October 2003, thereby getting right with the library. And I found a book on tape I've been waiting for.
Later today, we're going to a potluck dinner for a beloved mama who has returned to us.
I have my kids. Always an excellent start.
The weather is off the hook!!! In the 70s and low 80s.
My sister gave a party for my stepfather, a good-luck-before-surgery-we-love-you party and she cooked and we ate and had a grand old time.
I had a meeting this morning with the parents of the girl I mentioned earlier, who says hurtful things to my girl. It was brought to my attention again at the parent/teacher meeting last week, and I lost.my.shit. Her parents were mortified and deeply apologetic, and we put things to right. I am hopeful about her future behavior.
Then, because the meeting was stressful, I took my kids to the Alameda beach. Oh, what a great, restorative time we had there. Just chilling, you know? My girl packed water, juice, trail mix, tangelos, and biscotti and towels and everything. I shlepped along some sun screen and something to sit on. I sat in the sun and took deep breaths, they ran and played in the low tide. It was beautiful.
We went to the library and I returned a children's book that was due in October 2003, thereby getting right with the library. And I found a book on tape I've been waiting for.
Later today, we're going to a potluck dinner for a beloved mama who has returned to us.
Friday, March 12, 2004
Pineapple Zucchini Bread
Makes two 9 by 5-inch loaves
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1 teaspoon salt
3 large eggs
3/4 vegetable oil
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2-1/2 cups shredded zucchini
1 (8-1/2 ounce) can crushed, unsweeted pineapple in its own juice, drained
1. Place the oven rack in the lower third position and preheat the oven 350 degrees (325 if using Pyrex or dark finish loaf pans). Grease two 9 by 5 inch loaf pans.
2. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, nuts, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, allspice, and salt.
3. In a large bowl or in a workbowl of a heavy duty electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the eggs, oil, sugars, and vanilla. Using a whisk or with the electric mixture on medium speed, beat the ingredients until thick and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Fold in the zucchini and pineapple using a larger rubber spatula or dough whisk. Add the flour mixture in 3 additions with the spatula, stirring lightly between each addition. Stir well to make a just-moistened batter that is evenly combined (there should be no patches of flour), about 25 strokes; do not overmix.
4. Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake on the rack for 55 to 60 minutes, or until the edges pull away slightly from the sides of the pan and a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the loaves rest in the pan for 5 minutes before turning out onto a rack to cool, right side up. Serve in thick slices, or store at room temperature, wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, for up to 3 days.
Makes two 9 by 5-inch loaves
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1 teaspoon salt
3 large eggs
3/4 vegetable oil
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2-1/2 cups shredded zucchini
1 (8-1/2 ounce) can crushed, unsweeted pineapple in its own juice, drained
1. Place the oven rack in the lower third position and preheat the oven 350 degrees (325 if using Pyrex or dark finish loaf pans). Grease two 9 by 5 inch loaf pans.
2. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, nuts, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, allspice, and salt.
3. In a large bowl or in a workbowl of a heavy duty electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the eggs, oil, sugars, and vanilla. Using a whisk or with the electric mixture on medium speed, beat the ingredients until thick and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Fold in the zucchini and pineapple using a larger rubber spatula or dough whisk. Add the flour mixture in 3 additions with the spatula, stirring lightly between each addition. Stir well to make a just-moistened batter that is evenly combined (there should be no patches of flour), about 25 strokes; do not overmix.
4. Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake on the rack for 55 to 60 minutes, or until the edges pull away slightly from the sides of the pan and a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the loaves rest in the pan for 5 minutes before turning out onto a rack to cool, right side up. Serve in thick slices, or store at room temperature, wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, for up to 3 days.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
It was 85 degrees in Oakland yesterday. Eighty-five.
I got off work to attend my daughter's parent/teacher conference. Then I took my girl home. My mom was at my house waiting for the cable internet installer and watching the season premiere of the Sopranos, which I had taped for her.
She left me a message on my cell phone when she arrived at the house, praising how warm and inviting and comfortable the house felt. It made me feel good that she enjoys my house and has changed her tune about me moving.
She went home and I made my girl some lunch, then got a big glass of water and went outside to cut the back lawn. That was an excellent experience, coupled with some aromatherapy from the eucalyptus seeds that were embedded in the grass.
We chilled and waited for the internet guy, who finally showed up at 4:45.
Then we stopped at the drugstore for some index cards to make flashcards for my girl, and picked up my sweet boy.
When we got home the kids played in the sprinkler in the back yard, though the sun was setting. I let them play for 15 minutes or so, then I called them inside to get dried off and put on some clothes.
We stepped out to pick up a pizza--half cheese, half chicken, light sauce--and then returned home for dinner.
It was a beautiful evening.
Has anyone else noticed an upswing in fatphobia going on in the media these days? It's a little overwhelming. It's bundled into this whole discussion of obesity in kids or McDonalds discontinuing its supersized fries, but there is all there is this undercurrent of hostility toward people who are "overweight."
One thing that I have noticed in my own internal programming is how uptight/dogmatic exercising is. It's all about achieving aesthetic perfection (i.e., achieving a body like Marion Jones) without regard for one's own physical attributes, instead of a more low key approach which emphasizes overall wellness. I've got to change that in myself.
I got off work to attend my daughter's parent/teacher conference. Then I took my girl home. My mom was at my house waiting for the cable internet installer and watching the season premiere of the Sopranos, which I had taped for her.
She left me a message on my cell phone when she arrived at the house, praising how warm and inviting and comfortable the house felt. It made me feel good that she enjoys my house and has changed her tune about me moving.
She went home and I made my girl some lunch, then got a big glass of water and went outside to cut the back lawn. That was an excellent experience, coupled with some aromatherapy from the eucalyptus seeds that were embedded in the grass.
We chilled and waited for the internet guy, who finally showed up at 4:45.
Then we stopped at the drugstore for some index cards to make flashcards for my girl, and picked up my sweet boy.
When we got home the kids played in the sprinkler in the back yard, though the sun was setting. I let them play for 15 minutes or so, then I called them inside to get dried off and put on some clothes.
We stepped out to pick up a pizza--half cheese, half chicken, light sauce--and then returned home for dinner.
It was a beautiful evening.
Has anyone else noticed an upswing in fatphobia going on in the media these days? It's a little overwhelming. It's bundled into this whole discussion of obesity in kids or McDonalds discontinuing its supersized fries, but there is all there is this undercurrent of hostility toward people who are "overweight."
One thing that I have noticed in my own internal programming is how uptight/dogmatic exercising is. It's all about achieving aesthetic perfection (i.e., achieving a body like Marion Jones) without regard for one's own physical attributes, instead of a more low key approach which emphasizes overall wellness. I've got to change that in myself.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Yesterday evening was just.so.good.
I picked up the kids and the weather was gorgeous. Traffic is lighter on Monday. When we got home, I changed my clothes and started dinner, after taking a quick walk in the back yard to look at my plants.
I baked marinated chicken pieces, sweet potatoes for me, peas, corn, and a lemon rice pilaf from this cookbook.
This was one of the first times I have prepared sweet potatoes that did not come from a can. The taste is remarkably different, as one would expect. More vivid, fresher, better. No more canned yams/sweet potatoes for me. I peeled one big one, sliced it up in chunks, put it in a saucepan with water, butter, nutmeg, cinnamon, a pinch of salt and some brown sugar and cooked it until the potatoes were soft.
The rice pilaf had chicken stock, chopped onions, fresh lemon, Italian parsley, salt and pepper. It was such a pleasure to walk out to my garden and pick the Italian parsley, sniff it, carry it inside to wash and chop it.
As usual, my son did not want to interrupt his playing to sit down at the dining room table, but I lit candles in the middle of the table and he couldn't resist going to the table to blow them out. We had a nice, relaxing meal and my girl liked the rice pilaf. It was really good.
After dinner I washed up, then went upstairs and worked on my girl's homework with her. The second floor of the house was toasty, from the warm weather all day. I almost opened a window to let cooler air in, but I resisted.
After her homework, I made the kids take a bath, and then took a moment to write in my journal and read a magazine.
Then I put the kids to bed, as I had to be in court early this morning.
I picked up the kids and the weather was gorgeous. Traffic is lighter on Monday. When we got home, I changed my clothes and started dinner, after taking a quick walk in the back yard to look at my plants.
I baked marinated chicken pieces, sweet potatoes for me, peas, corn, and a lemon rice pilaf from this cookbook.
This was one of the first times I have prepared sweet potatoes that did not come from a can. The taste is remarkably different, as one would expect. More vivid, fresher, better. No more canned yams/sweet potatoes for me. I peeled one big one, sliced it up in chunks, put it in a saucepan with water, butter, nutmeg, cinnamon, a pinch of salt and some brown sugar and cooked it until the potatoes were soft.
The rice pilaf had chicken stock, chopped onions, fresh lemon, Italian parsley, salt and pepper. It was such a pleasure to walk out to my garden and pick the Italian parsley, sniff it, carry it inside to wash and chop it.
As usual, my son did not want to interrupt his playing to sit down at the dining room table, but I lit candles in the middle of the table and he couldn't resist going to the table to blow them out. We had a nice, relaxing meal and my girl liked the rice pilaf. It was really good.
After dinner I washed up, then went upstairs and worked on my girl's homework with her. The second floor of the house was toasty, from the warm weather all day. I almost opened a window to let cooler air in, but I resisted.
After her homework, I made the kids take a bath, and then took a moment to write in my journal and read a magazine.
Then I put the kids to bed, as I had to be in court early this morning.
Monday, March 08, 2004
Happy International Women's Day.
A three day weekend would definitely be in order today.
I could continue to clean up my yard, clean up the kitchen, finish the laundry and sleep.
This was not a good sleep weekend for me, in part because my girl decided she wanted to sleep in my bed on Saturday. She kicked off the blankets and tossed and turned all night.
My boy, on the other hand, fell asleep at 5:00 PM on Saturday evening and slept through the night and fell asleep at 8:00PM last night.
On Saturday morning, we were gearing up to take him to the birthday party. With 40 minutes before the start time of the party, he declared he didn't want to go. I was stunned. I questioned him as to why he didn't want to go, since I thought the birthday boy was his best buddy. He said that the birthday boy calls him names and he didn't want to go to his party.
Okay. Instead of a quick bath for my boy, a race to Rockridge Kids, a stop off at my mother's house to use her computer to find out where their house was located, and face time with parents I don't know, I got to go and cut the lawn in the back yard. Wahoo!!!
Frankly, I am pleased that my son withholds his friendship from people who are not nice to him. I hope this is a lifelong habit.
Later in the morning, we went for a walk around Lake Merritt. The kids started out game and high energy, with a bag of stale bread for the ducks. The seagulls were faster and more aggressive than the ducks, so they cooled out on throwing bread into the water until we got to the bird feeding area of the lake. The lake is about 3 miles around, and 1/3 of the way around, my little dude started to flag. Two-thirds of the way around, my girl started complaining. We made it, though, and raced ahead of a City of Oakland employee issuing parking tickets. [No parking between 1 and 7PM on Saturday and Sunday around the lake is bullshit--it's purely to make money.]
The kids were starving after the walk, so I got them some lunch and then went to my mother's house.
I sold The Mothership. To a single mother with two kids. For way less than it's blue book value.
And now I have a newer vehicle. I haven't named it yet, though it is a female. I bought it from my sister, so I should call it Sister Gurl.
Anyway, the kids went with their dad for the day on Sunday and I ran a ton of errands and participated in a family meeting at my mom's house.
There's some fucked up stuff happening with my youngest brother. He's 18 and is really off course right now. It is very stressful for everyone, especially my stepfather. Which is not what he needs right now.
His surgery is March 18.
I made sticky buns, but I didn't proof the yeast properly so they were a bit leaden. Try again.
Last night I dreamed I had screwed up in a case before a judge that I really respect, and I got sanctioned $700. In the dream, I couldn't believe the oversight I had made, and stood in my office pounding my head with both fists. Then I woke myself up, with a pounding headache.
The weather was spectacular all weekend and it's expected to get up to 75 degrees today.
I have to go down to the cable payment office in order to report that my cable modem was stolen before I can schedule an appointment to get new cable internet service. Being burglarized is profoundly inconvenient.
Tomorrow = massage
Friday, March 05, 2004
It was the pants.
This is a picture from the cover of the online Washington Post. Now that's my kind of mom--her boy is out in the world in March wearing a Spider Man Halloween costume.
The question a lot of mothers ask is how long co-sleeping lasts. It's like the kid who takes his Tootsie-Pop around asking how many licks does it get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. The owl answers three. The answer to the co-sleeping question is eight years.
One thing about taking vitamins and finally getting REM sleep with only one child in my bed, is that I've been having bizarre dreams. Last night I had a dream I got a bunch of voice mails from friends and work people, all whining at and sweating me big time, so that I had to say Yuck and hit the delete button.
In my real life, only work people call me up and sweat me. About 40 of them a day. So it makes sense that it would happen in my dream life.
I made an appointment for a massage. Wahoo.
Plans for the weekend:
Take a walk or two
Work in my back yard~~I took some pictures of my front yard and I'll post them as soon as I get a home computer again
Shop for and possibly get a new computer for home
Deliver my son to a birthday party for his best buddy
Make sticky buns from scratch
Visit with FIRE
Organize the pots in my kitchen--donate the ones I don't use anymore
Clean the refrigerator
Laundry
Continue reading this book
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Yesterday improved as it went along.
I met FIRE at lunchtime and we had a most excellent visit.
I picked up my kids and once we got home, they were happy to entertain themselves/each other while I cooked sauteed chicken breasts, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans with tomatoes, onion, and garlic. And peas for my girl.
While I was cooking dinner, I also washed dishes and whipped up zucchini-pinapple bread.
We sat at the dining room table and they ate all their dinner, and my girl asked for a second helping of peas. The spices in the bread smelled so good as we ate.
I took it out of the oven in the middle of doing my girl's homework. She wanted to watch American Idol, so she was very motivated to finish her work. She finished it with 15 minutes to spare.
I sat with my boy in another room while she watched the show (I haven't gotten into the habit of watching those kinds of shows), then we went to bed.
This morning I had a slice of the zucchini-pinapple bread for breakfast. It is so good. I will post the recipe tomorrow.
I noticed last night that I am not as dog tired as I used to be after work. I think it's because of some dietary changes I've made and because I started taking vitamins. It's nice not to be completely wiped out; to be able to enjoy being at home and spending time with my kids, rather than feeling like I'm in the last couple of miles of a marathon while trying to get dinner on the table.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Although it was another beautiful morning, the stress was growing in my head and body before I even finished brushing my teeth.
I had to give myself a pep talk, assuring myself that I am competent and capable and I can handle all of the demands placed upon me. I tried deep breathing as well. And I took vitamins.
One thing that is stressing me out is replacing the stuff that was stolen from my house. I went to an electronics store last night and looked around, but was grossed out at the idea of buying three or four major electronics at the same time. I have never done that. So I left the store without buying anything.
And listening to election results added to the stress. So I turned off the radio and went into psyche protection mode. The idea is not to let external, not particularly important stuff, get to me.
I need a massage.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
This morning was extravagantly gorgeous. Golden sunlight and crystal clear blue skies.
I got up and got ready for work and my son woke up on his own accord, in a good mood. They had cereal for breakfast and we got out of the house early.
I delivered them to pre-school and school early and felt accomplished, and elated by the sunshine.
My girl was excited to go to school because I had printed out the meaning of this word. There comes a time in a kid's school life when she encounters this word. In my girl's case she obsessed about it, asking me the meaning repeatedly, and flipped her lid when I gave her the definition yesterday. She was more excited about the 1,913 letter word for an enzyme and wanted to get to school early to share the really big word with her best girlfriend.
Last night I tried out a new chicken and rice recipe, from this cookbook. It took longer to cook than I expected and then miracle of miracles, my kids ate it. Probably due to impending starvation, but I'll take it. It was good, but a little wet.
The days are getting longer. This is very good.
I got up and got ready for work and my son woke up on his own accord, in a good mood. They had cereal for breakfast and we got out of the house early.
I delivered them to pre-school and school early and felt accomplished, and elated by the sunshine.
My girl was excited to go to school because I had printed out the meaning of this word. There comes a time in a kid's school life when she encounters this word. In my girl's case she obsessed about it, asking me the meaning repeatedly, and flipped her lid when I gave her the definition yesterday. She was more excited about the 1,913 letter word for an enzyme and wanted to get to school early to share the really big word with her best girlfriend.
Last night I tried out a new chicken and rice recipe, from this cookbook. It took longer to cook than I expected and then miracle of miracles, my kids ate it. Probably due to impending starvation, but I'll take it. It was good, but a little wet.
The days are getting longer. This is very good.
Monday, March 01, 2004
This will be an evolving (growing and improving) entry, as it is Monday and I have a three foot stack of documents in my in-box.
I took my kids to my mother's cabin in the Sierra foothills for the weekend. Last week's storm dropped about four feet of snow in the area and it was time to get away*.
I had a lot of anxiety about leaving my house unattended. Although she is fortified with new security and my mother stopped over and picked up one day's worth of mail and one newspaper, I worried.
But we had fun. We sledded and had snowball fights and shoveled snow and ice and my kids consumed a surprising amount of hot chocolate beside the woodburning stove. It's always good to get away. And D. and her partner and kids joined us, so we had good company.
While I was sitting around the cabin, I thumbed through Prevention Magazine (Hi, I'm 75 years old.) Anyway, there was an article in the September 2003 issue entitled Maximum Joy: 14 Ways To Learn To Feel Lucky You're Alive. Here they are:
1. Notice What's Right--be optimistic, focus on the positive
2. Be Grateful
3. Remember the Kid You Were--"If you're willing to set aside your sense of embarrassment and to play, then you can rediscover the childlike qualities that are strongly associated with joy."
4. Be Kind
5. Spend Time with Your "Homeys"--suppportive friends, family and romantic partners
6. Don't Overdo It--space out your joyful pleasures
7. Savor Every Moment
8. Move--your body
9. Rest
10. Put On a Happy Face
11. Pursue Your Goals
12. Get Into the Flow--become absorbed in a challenging activity that you love where you lose yourself
13. Play To Your Strengths
14. Find Your Calling
It was a quick, exhausting trip (400 miles roundtrip; the kids slept most of the way home while I listened to a reading of David Copperfield) and when I got home everything was fine--the house was clean, it smelled good, and everything was as I left it. Which made me cry a little.
Friday, I went to court in the morning, then took some "personal time" from work and went to FIRE's house for a visit. We visited and had lunch together, then I went to a deposition in the afternoon. I'm going to have to do that more often. It's very relaxing and breaks up the monotony of work.
After the deposition, I got home earlier than usual, so I was able to cut my front lawn and plant some mallow, and rake up a lot of storm debris from the back yard. I am looking forward to getting the back yard in order--cutting down weeds, cleaning up the edges of the lawn--and ready for lots of grilling and chilling this spring and summer.
Last night my girl and I watched the Oscars together. My girl looks on award shows as an opportunity to lounge on me and cuddle while we critique dresses. Annie Lennox looked and sounded divine. We whispered through much of it, so my boy wouldn't come into the bedroom and demand that I hang out with him. He did anyway. But I got to watch more than I have any right to expect while taking care of two children. The show made me miss my stolen LOTR DVDs, but I expect to replace them shortly.
* Feeling unhappy about the break-in and having to write Victor an enormous check for the additional security stuff and wanting my kids to have a winter/snow experience. My mother's cabin is conveniently located and it's always a relaxing retreat.
I took my kids to my mother's cabin in the Sierra foothills for the weekend. Last week's storm dropped about four feet of snow in the area and it was time to get away*.
I had a lot of anxiety about leaving my house unattended. Although she is fortified with new security and my mother stopped over and picked up one day's worth of mail and one newspaper, I worried.
But we had fun. We sledded and had snowball fights and shoveled snow and ice and my kids consumed a surprising amount of hot chocolate beside the woodburning stove. It's always good to get away. And D. and her partner and kids joined us, so we had good company.
While I was sitting around the cabin, I thumbed through Prevention Magazine (Hi, I'm 75 years old.) Anyway, there was an article in the September 2003 issue entitled Maximum Joy: 14 Ways To Learn To Feel Lucky You're Alive. Here they are:
1. Notice What's Right--be optimistic, focus on the positive
2. Be Grateful
3. Remember the Kid You Were--"If you're willing to set aside your sense of embarrassment and to play, then you can rediscover the childlike qualities that are strongly associated with joy."
4. Be Kind
5. Spend Time with Your "Homeys"--suppportive friends, family and romantic partners
6. Don't Overdo It--space out your joyful pleasures
7. Savor Every Moment
8. Move--your body
9. Rest
10. Put On a Happy Face
11. Pursue Your Goals
12. Get Into the Flow--become absorbed in a challenging activity that you love where you lose yourself
13. Play To Your Strengths
14. Find Your Calling
It was a quick, exhausting trip (400 miles roundtrip; the kids slept most of the way home while I listened to a reading of David Copperfield) and when I got home everything was fine--the house was clean, it smelled good, and everything was as I left it. Which made me cry a little.
Friday, I went to court in the morning, then took some "personal time" from work and went to FIRE's house for a visit. We visited and had lunch together, then I went to a deposition in the afternoon. I'm going to have to do that more often. It's very relaxing and breaks up the monotony of work.
After the deposition, I got home earlier than usual, so I was able to cut my front lawn and plant some mallow, and rake up a lot of storm debris from the back yard. I am looking forward to getting the back yard in order--cutting down weeds, cleaning up the edges of the lawn--and ready for lots of grilling and chilling this spring and summer.
Last night my girl and I watched the Oscars together. My girl looks on award shows as an opportunity to lounge on me and cuddle while we critique dresses. Annie Lennox looked and sounded divine. We whispered through much of it, so my boy wouldn't come into the bedroom and demand that I hang out with him. He did anyway. But I got to watch more than I have any right to expect while taking care of two children. The show made me miss my stolen LOTR DVDs, but I expect to replace them shortly.
* Feeling unhappy about the break-in and having to write Victor an enormous check for the additional security stuff and wanting my kids to have a winter/snow experience. My mother's cabin is conveniently located and it's always a relaxing retreat.
