small hands

This is my Month of Softies submission.



The March theme was Self-portrait of the Artist as a Young Child.

I am wearing a dress which would have been made by my mother on her avocado green Singer sewing machine. The fabric of this dress is typical of the early 1970s, as is the style.

My hair is in afro puffs.

I was always influenced by illustrations in children's books. That's why I included the books that meant the most to me when I was a kid. My self portrait-holding Little Women illustrated by Louis Jambour--is representative of what an enormous influence that book had on me, how much I loved it.

I was also very heavily influenced by the artwork on record jackets. That's why I included Stevie Wonder's Songs in the Key of Life, which was one of the most important albums of my childhood.

Finally, there is Speed Racer, my favorite cartoon, included because cartoons had a big influence on my sense of color. They still do, actually and I am presently obsessed with Atomic Betty, especially the green of her eyes.

* * *

Today is my 40th birthday.



This is a picture of my mom holding me.

Monday got off to a very good start. When we left the house it was not raining, as it had been doing all night. Lots of rain. My girl opined that she didn’t need a jacket, but I know better, so I returned to the house to get her one.

I was right. It was raining on the road to her school. I packed her a cheese quesadilla, strawberries and grapes, carrots and a tiny bit of Easter candy for lunch.

Yesterday I had the family over for brunch. I didn’t buy Easter baskets this year and I am so pleased with that decision. In part it was due to the fact that Easter is early, very close to their birthdays when they got plenty of toys. If I buy candy to share with our guests, then I don’t need to get them a basket with more candy.

It’s always a blast to have my family over. So loud, so wise, so entertaining. It also warmed my heart after they had eaten all the eggs, potatoes, three kinds of sausage, bacon and pastries, to put a platter of fruit–strawberries, grapes and orange slices–in front of them and see them eat the fruit.

My brother-in-law made a comment, when I offered him a beer. It was left over from Kwanzaa and I don’t drink beer. He joked that it was evidence that there are men in my life, that I get them liquored up to seduce them, once I get them into my home. Uh huh.

Whenever I dispense of some idiotic comment, indicating clearly that it doesn’t trouble me, I am usually admonished by someone to pay that person no mind. This time I just laughed; laughing internally as well that he really has no idea what he’s talking about. I suppose he thinks it is appropriate to make some sort of backhanded inquiry into the state of my romantic life. Because we’re related by marriage, because my romantic life is not necessarily a private matter? Given his world view, it’s probably a little bit of all of those things.

After my family left, in the early afternoon, the children and I relaxed, my girl working on an art project, my boy playing with his toys, me quilting. It rained and rained, quite drenching.

On Saturday I picked up my kids from my girl’s Winter batisado. I missed 90 minutes of it (good) and her getting her second cord (bad), but I stood around admiring all the beautiful children and families. My boy had such pink cheeks!! It’s because Fifth Disease is going around his school. He feels fine. They ate the wonderful Thai barbecued chicken and basmati rice and curry provided by the sensei.

We went looking for a pair of purple hi top Chuck Taylors for my girl, but we didn’t find any in her size. Then my energy flagged and we went home. I gardened, cutting back some overgrowing plants and feeding the roses epsom salts.

Oh! There is the best photograph on James' site, of him in Japan.

I took the day off yesterday, after a fashion. First I got up and went to the office to prepare for an oral argument in court. Then I raced up to court and presented my oral argument. Good old Judge B; I wish he had ruled in my favor, but he was so polite to me, which is always good.

Then I went back to work to check my voice mail and e-mail, and to the library to pick up books and DVDs. Then I went to the grocery store to buy food for Easter brunch.

Then I got to go home and get in bed. After having strep throat for 5 days, I finally got to rest.

I received a phone call on Thursday night, from the doctor. He said I had Strep A, which could lead to rheumatic fever and heart damage if I didn't take care of it. I told him that I had had chicken soup the day before, which made me feel much better, and that I would make sure to take all of my antibiotics. My son got on the phone to demand who it was and to say hello and the doctor said to hello back to him.

I finished reading Plan B by Anne Lamott. I liked the commencement speech essay best. The rest I found a bit light, and repetitive.

Day Two...

of the antibiotics.

Mabi writes: i do not like the anit-b's. they give you yeast infections and cancel out BC.

Which makes me think: I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I Am.

I don’t like them either, because they alter my sense of taste and make me very, very thirsty. But strep throat is way worse than a yeast infection. Back in the day, like 15 years ago when I got my last strep throat infection, the doctor would write a prescription for antibiotics and for medicine to deal with the yeast infection. Because you couldn’t buy the latter over the counter. Now, All Hail Plankton, you can, which is a terrific turn of events, I tell you.

As for estrogen based oral contraception, since it gives me hypertension and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 49, it’s not an issue for me.

* * *

I went to lunch with my buddy R. yesterday and I had chicken soup. Chicken soup in the form of wor wonton soup. It was so good and afterward my throat felt well. I screwed it up a couple of hours later in the form of carbonated throat hell, also known as Diet Coke. Big mistake after drinking chicken soup and Jasmine tea.

I don’t need so much Motrin today, to deal with the throat pain.

I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes last night, but I put a tiny bit too much red pepper in the meatloaf and my ears felt like each one had a swarm of tiny bees in them while I ate.

I’m on the mend. Thank y’all for the good wishes.

No strep in England or Ireland? That is reason enough to emigrate indeed.

Waah! I have strep throat. I haven't had it since my college days, but I recognized it immediately.

It started coming on Sunday night and Monday night was ridiculous. No sleep at all because of the pain and my throat and tonsils being so swollen that I had a hard time breathing.

It also makes my ears itch like crazy, my neck is sore from the swollen lymph nodes, and my sense of smell is very acute.

I called the doctor on Tuesday morning and was able to get a same day appointment (miracle of miracles). It was not my regular G.P., but her partner, and he was a total mensch. He read me what he was writing in my chart with his terrible handwriting, he apologized for using the tongue depressor of death and the long cotton swab of death, and prescribed an antibiotic.

He gasped in horror when I told him, in response to his question about what do I do, that I'm a lawyer. Doctors always do. I told him that I was a defense attorney, but he still expressed alarm.

He shook my hand and thanked me for my patience, I thanked him for seeing me and headed to the pharmacy.

Why do 30 pills cost $22.95 when I have insurance? I'm sure they would cost a lot more, but I sort of expected them not to cost anything.

The timing is terrible for sickness. I have a lot of important meetings and hearings this week.

In great agony I participated in a mediation yesterday. I told the mediator what was going on and told the loud mouth opposing counsel that my silence shouldn't be taken as acquiescence.

My secretary is angry at me for being in the office and being contagious, but there is no way to avoid it.

The weather is rubbish (rain, wind), so I'm debating whether to stay in my bathrobe today.

I need to give the roses epsom salts, but I can put on some shoes and do that in my bathrobe.

J. and I went to The Martini House last night for dinner. I had a beet salad with Cara Cara oranges, Mache and citrus vinaigrette, butter basted Halibut poached Black Trumpet mushrooms, Sausalito Springs watercress and potato puree with green garlic sauce, and the Rocky Road dessert with toasted walnut Sauce, brownie cake, and Marshmallow ice cream. That's right Marshmallow ice cream--it was heavenly and surprisingly tart.

The meal was lovely, the champagne was lovely, the company was superb.

Earlier I went to my younger brother's house warming. He and his fiancee bought a flat in San Francisco, in the Haight Ashbury district. It is gorgeous and there is no parking. None. There was an amazing spread of food, to which I contributed macaroni and cheese (with penne and provolone cheese) and a sweet potato pie. I forget how beautiful San Francisco is, but it is so crowded.

My groceries were delivered this morning and I need to put them away and clean out the refrigerator before I do that, so I'm typing on the computer for a second.

[Grocery break ensues wherein I channel Ma Ingalls and do an impromptu butter inventory--18 sticks, 5 sticks of unsalted--and decide to make an apple pie this afternoon to use the Granny Smith apples that have been languishing for weeks in the refrigerator.]

While the groceries were being delivered, well the grocery delivery truck drove up and the driver opened the doors and started unloading the food, when some kids came up to the truck and tried to take food out of it. The driver said, you know, hey what are you doing? They either said they were hungry or that they wanted some food. There is a distinction. It troubles me either way.

LATER:

I showered and dressed but outside I discovered my John Clare rose is dead. Coupled with the wind and rain, it takes the thrill out of gardening.

This fabric costs $38 a yard. Bah humbug.

My children and I watched The Incredibles last night, I for the first time. I enjoyed it, though it was difficult to sit still for two hours and not work on any quilt piecing. My children seemed to either enjoy my presence or be completely indifferent to it, but it made me realize how rarely we sit together in the evenings. There's always homework, cooking, housework, laundry, projects or solitary playing going on.

Most notable on my first viewing:

1) Sarah Vowell's voice. I thought she was very appropriately cast, though I was waiting for an American history reference.

2) The whole Eames era house and interior decorating of the Incredibles' family home. It was very cool, but it also made me think that several of the Pixar folks are probably millionaires, so they can indulge in Eames furniture and architecture.

3) Gotta love Edna, the designer, her deep voice and big teeth.

This morning my son wanted to know what happens on "Patrick's day." I explained that it was St. Patrick's Day and that folks on the West Coast mostly just dressed up in green and pinched those who did not. He said "That's boring." I said that he'd probably have a green cookie or cupcake at preschool. That was a bit better. We're not corned beef and cabbage eaters or pub goers, so that's the extent of it for us.

Yesterday I sent my mother an e-mail, asking her if she was going to be at a legal conference in May that I plan to attend. Some years we go and hang out together, sit next to each other during some of the more interesting sessions, she reading a novel and doing crossword puzzles, me reading a novel and making lists and not being at work. We drink a lot of free coffee out of those inadequate hotel cups (I should bring a mug) and generally pal around. We do this with my stepfather, as he is also a lawyer.

This year, while I’m at the conference, she is going to Italy. Her e-mail says:

Rome (to see the Pope) I think you get a plenary indulgence for visiting the Vatican. Something like going to Mecca and Salt Lake City. Then to Tuscany to Florence to see David and to all the towns but I am going to see San Francisco Basilica in Assisi. One week. I should be able to visit all the cathedrals. Then to Umbria to see the leaning tower and more churches. Another week.

I’m glad for her and jealous as hell.

Last year was very challenging professionally because I dealt with a lot of very uncivil attorneys. The worst one, the dementor, left his firm and today I met his replacement. They could not be more different. The replacement is an older attorney, calm, quiet, very kind and reasonable. I was actually dreading the hearing this morning and it went incredibly smoothly. Civility goes a long way. **Big happy smile**

Kikujiro–I watched this last night. It’s about a little boy who lives with his grandmother, who goes on a journey to find his mother. He is accompanied by a man, the husband of one of the boy’s neighbors, who is a bit of a gangster. They find the little boy’s mother (heartbreaking) and then return home.

I can’t say I liked this movie very much. I didn’t like the director’s overuse of long shots. I don’t think it’s because I expect a lot of editing cuts. I had the same problem with the Deer Hunter, in which Michael Cimino had these endlessly long shots–one of a nurse walking all the way down a hospital corridor and then finally walking all the way back with one of the characters in a wheelchair. Have mercy. I also found Kikujiro, the gangsterish chaperone, to be a bit off putting.

I've been wanting to bake lately, but there are Girl Scout cookies in the house, so there is no need for additional baked sweets.

There are some days when I'm not inspired to cook, but as soon as I put my hand on a pot and start moving around the kitchen, I get in the mood.

This Sunday I stepped up, mothering-wise.

My kids were sitting on the bathroom floor, talking to me as I dealt with my hair. (Trimmed split ends--remember I hate going to the shop.)

My daughter was in tears, both manipulative and the real kind, because my son didn't want to go ice skating, which she had been wanting to do for several weeks.

He sat beside her, making a case for going to the beach.

What to do, what to do?

I said we could do both. [So not like me.] First we went ice skating (which I am not particularly fond of) at Berkeley Iceland and had a good time, then we went to the Alameda beach. The water was cool, the wind was up a bit, so mostly the children built a piece of art from drift wood, while I read the first 50 pages of The Master by Colm Toibin.

I also started Motherless Brooklyn on Saturday evening, because my little dude fell asleep at 7:30PM.

At one point on the beach my boy said to his sister, referring to her gathering driftwood and building a structure "You are a real artist."

On Saturday, he was saying something to me, but I didn't get the subject noun of the sentence, so I asked him to repeat himself. He said "That's okay. I'll tell you when you get older." BWAHAHA. I'm going to be 40 on March 30. Maybe he'll tell me then.

Yesterday was really something!

The weather was in the 80s (88 in Oakland) and there's nothing like such weather to cheer a person up.

I had another dentist appointment, for my final round of root planing. I knew what was in store so I made sure to have lunch before the appointment, as I would not be able to eat for several hours afterward.

[There is something about going through the procedure which makes you never want to eat again, but that's not going to happen.]

This session was for my upper teeth/gums. I got novocaine for the top of my mouth, so much that I could not feel my nose and felt numbness up to my lower eyelids. It was a tiny bit comical, but please God may I never need plastic surgery because facial numbness is unpleasant.

The idea of the root planing is to have no pockets in my gums. So I've been thinking about the book pictured above from my childhood for a while.

My upper lip was swollen afterward and immobile, as I took myself on a compensatory trip to the fabric store after the appointment. I didn't buy any fabric, just black thread and some buttons.

I finished my Month of Softies submission! Woot. I'm quite excited.

As I couldn't go out (thus missing a retirement party for someone I don't really like), or even talk very well, I rested for a while until I could feel my nose again, and then finished my project, rearranged my fabric stash, and cut and pieced some more of the Dolley Madison Star pattern. Now that's a happening Friday night if there ever was one. [FIRE went to the retirement party and called me from it. I was so glad I didn't go.]

Also, I downloaded Mozilla Firefox as my web browser. No popups. None!!! Lovely, lovely. I was listening to NPR, Science Friday, and I heard about it and decided to see how it would work. It's designed with the user in mind, rather than the corporations who are trying to bombard people with their products. And it automatically transfers all your bookmarks, cookies, etc.

I am completely knocked out by the beauty of this interview with the Rza of the Wu Tang Clan.

It's supposed to get up to 78 degrees today.

I got out of my hearing earlier than I expected because my clients cut a backdoor deal with my opponent, without my knowledge, the day before. Eh, whatever.

I picked up my sweet girl, then we went to the grocery store and got a chicken, lemon-pepper marinade, Everett and Jones barbecue sauce, and a Semifreddi's sourdough baguette.

We went home and I mowed the front lawn, weeded, and chilled. After we picked up my boy, I barbecued the chicken. March 9--first day of the grilling season. The chicken was really good, with the baguette, steamed rice, and green beans. It took me a little while to get my grilling chops back, but all was well.

This morning on the way to the car, I thought about how much fun it is to be a parent. There is something extremely orderly about parenting, very cause and effect. My kids were happy and equipped with what they needed for their day–lunch, homework, jackets, a sharing toy in a Ziploc bag–and I realized that I really, really dig being their mother, including all of the work involved.

Harts Fabric is having a sale. The promotion code is MarchSale and it gives you 20% off. I have ordered from this company before and they ship quickly. Check it out, if you’re so inclined.

Bah. Just returned from a quick trip to the grocery store to get replacement panty hose. As I was climbing into my car this morning, my heel snagged my hose and cut a big old giant hole into them. And I have a hearing this afternoon, so I can’t be looking raggedy.

Yesterday my boy declared that he wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed home from work and he stayed home from preschool. I had a moment of hesitation and skepticism. I mean, he’s my little dude, my heart’s blood, but if he gets the message that he can stay home whenever he wants to, our little enterprise (the one where I am the breadwinner) is going to come under a great deal of strain. I had to remind myself that I won’t lose my job if I take a sick day. And lo and behold, it was here waiting for me this morning.

After we took my girl for her eye exam (complete with dilation and those very attractive plastic sunglasses) and dropped her off at school, we lounged around the house. He was warm a few times, but otherwise there wasn’t much sign of illness, thank goodness.

When I was a kid, there had to be an amputation to get to stay home from school. Or at least a lot of vomit.

His dad picked him up in the afternoon and he skipped to the car.

This morning, after a sleepover with FIRE, I had a
mammogram. Breasts, compressed on cold steel, handled by a stranger–nice.

I forgot my health care card at work, so I had to call my secretary and ask her to fax it to the imaging clinic. I forgot my cell phone at home, so I had to find a pay phone. I had no change so I had to use my work calling card. [Is it Monday?]

Then I went to work for an hour (because at work I can take multi-tasking to another level: bill paying and mailing, voicemail and e-mail checking, review correspondence, return phone calls, answer legal questions, drink coffee, recycling, fabric in the mail, internet surfing), then to my girl’s parent-teacher conference. They said good things about my baby and I felt vindicated of all the lectures I deliver to her.

This afternoon I have a hearing, then go get my kids and think of something to cook for dinner.

I smelled mown grass. The sun is shining.

* * *

This is the Dolley Madison Star.

posted by a.  # 1:09 PM

The weekend was superb for some very simple reasons.

The sun was shining and it was warm. Sunlight is so encouraging.

I was able to work in the yard, weeding the raised beds and fertilizing the roses. Here’s a secret: last year I seemed to have planted like a madwoman because this year, my flowers are crowding each other out for space to grow. Straggly little underperforming candidates for the compost heap are displaying purple flowers and warming my heart.

Note to self: must get several pounds of epsom salts for the roses.

This is the time to admire the foliage and it is not disappointing me. So emerald, so free of disease.

Another reason the weekend was so boss was because I cleaned the coffee pot on Saturday morning. What else you gonna do when your son wakes you at 6:30AM? I put in one pot of water and a few tablespoons of white vinegar, let it percolate through. Then I put in a pot of plain water to clean out any vestiges of vinegar. Then I made a pot of coffee. So much smoother and more delicious.

My children’s father was sick, so I got to keep my kids. We went to a bead store on San Pablo Avenue across the street from the El Cerrito Plaza at my girl’s request. I had never been to a bead shop before. Beautiful, beautiful merchandise. She had gone about the house picking up stray dollars and she had enough ($4) to buy herself a lovely jade bead. Then we went to Home Depot and I got a part for my kitchen sink. I installed it correctly and felt like Bob Villa the rest of the weekend.

We went to the library and got my girl a burrito, then we returned home and chilled/gardened the rest of the day. I made a roast chicken, butterflied and placed over sliced lemons and brushed with Dijon mustard, green beans and macaroni and cheese from scratch.

Sunday, the kids went with their dad and I quilted (pieced), fertilized more roses, did laundry and enjoyed a visit from my younger brother, who needed me to tape Tiger Woods winning the Doral.

I’ve stalled a little bit on my parent’s quilt (blue in the color scheme doesn’t work; it’s going to have to be more muted) and decided I wanted to try out a pattern that I’ve admired for a long time–Dolley Madison Star. It’s cool, lots of white. It’s common that I am piecing more than one quilt at a time, but I have too many projects that need to be finished.

Someone put about a dozen empty 40-ounce bottles of this beer in my recycling bin. Obviously, a secretive alcoholic with a taste for cheap beer. Ewww, though kudos for the recycling impulse.

The sun is shining people. It’s supposed to get into the 70s this week.

Last night I had the reading group at my house. I served slices of Grace Baking sour dough baguette with whole cloves of garlic in it, sliced Provolone cheese, sliced roast turkey (the real stuff), madeleines (how Proustian), sliced oranges (lovely and juicy–thank you rain), grapes, wine, hot tea and soft drinks. The group starts after dinner and the women are not big eaters, but they dug in nicely. [Still plenty of leftovers for several lunches.] We discussed how much we didn’t like Reading Lolita in Tehran. Our next book is Motherless Brooklyn.

It is raining like the Dickens this morning. Raining and blowing. That means I shouldn’t work in the yard this weekend and insult the tender turf. I do need to do a little intervention in the front yard, as I spy a wild onion growing and flowering in the lawn. And I can start fertilizing the roses.

This is a really useful, crafty link.

Nakachi asks: Where is FIRE? He's not missing or anything. We hung out together yesterday.

Hung out, what am I fifteen? I took the day off from work, dropped my kids off at their schools and then returned home. While I waited for him to arrive, I cleaned/straightened up the house and dealt with a mountain of recycling.

We had a lovely visit, during part of which we went to La Farine and I had a piece of Orange Blossom cake and a cup of Red Sea blend coffee from Royal Coffee. The cake was sublime. The kind of cake where you have to sit and contemplate life in between bites, catch your breath, silently bless the mother of the person who made the cake.

Early this morning, I had to be in court for three hearings. The third one was interesting in that eight lawyers participated in the oral argument. It felt warmer in that courtroom, which I attributed to the hot air coming from the lawyers.

When I got back to the office I had a fabric order waiting for me. Yay. I like having fabric in my office. It is a really nice balance. I mean, I work so I can afford fabric and then I use the fabric to detox from the gasbag lawyers I deal with every working day.

[Gotta go brush and floss, I had a morning bun for breakfast.]

On the way back from court, I listened to a very inspiring interview of Wangari Maathai, this year’s Nobel Peace Prize winner from Kenya. She is so awesome and she added to the credo: Reduce, recycle, reuse. It is repair. I like that; the 4-Rs of environmentalism.

Thomas Keller, chef and owner at the French Laundry, was quoted in yesterday’s New York Times as saying this:

Mr. Keller says he used to have a weakness for Burger King's Whopper with extra cheese and French fries, but now that he lives in California, he has switched his allegiance to the cheeseburgers at In-N-Out Burger, with French fries and a milkshake. He also favors Krispy Kreme doughnuts. "I like pretty much all junk food," he said.

Now, I’m not down with the Krispy Kremes, but I love that he loves junk food.

Last night I watched a few minutes of this show. While Miss Thing is amazing, the process is very creepy and distressed every feminist cell in my body. My younger sister watches it and got into a very intense conversation with a stranger at the Body Shop about last season’s winner. They piqued my curiosity.

Simon Birch–Let’s see what did I like? I liked Oliver Platt, Joseph Mazello and David Strathairn; very solid acting from those three. But overall, I loathed the emotional manipulation of this movie, especially the directing and the sappy, cliched score.